Net: … is about to come to an end, at least as far as our homo-manic discussion goes. We leave you with a few parting shots, then get to the topics at hand.

From Peter to Nadafag: In your Monday, May 4 posting you mispronounced every word. The correct pronunciation is, “Seig hiel, mein Frau!” Glad to be of service.

From Yngwie: It is with much amusement that I have read Network the past couple of days. I’m sorry to say to Sick of Homophobes and everybody else who was bashing me that you are bashing one of your own. I am a very open-minded liberal like the rest of you. I fully support equal rights for homosexuals in marriage, the military, jobs, education and all areas of life. Equal rights.
Which is why I am disgusted by the MSA elections. I, and I think everybody else here, would have been appalled had any of the other presidential candidates run on the fact that they were heterosexual. The backlash would have been unbelievable. And since I believe in equal rights for homosexuals, I am equally as appalled that Kubista and Ferguson made an issue of their sexuality. That is it. Not because I am homophobic, or because I am a close-minded hick. There shouldn’t be a double standard.
Sexuality should be a nonissue in these elections. Being a lesbian doesn’t hurt or help you attend meetings, write resolutions, or sign checks. The only reason that the election of Kubista and Ferguson is ground-breaking is the fact that they were elected on a shallow and meaningless platform, devoid of any serious plans for making the U a better place. The “Us and Them” mentality, as in “We finally elected a couple of Us to MSA,” is as much a source of homophobia as people like Nadafag.
So don’t worry, Sick of Homophobes. Your branding of me was premature. And yes, I will be talking to Kubista and Ferguson about their issues, because I was elected to MSA last week. Hell, if you took the time to vote, you probably gave me the nod. After all, us open-minded liberals like to stick together.

From Cyber: I’ve been noticing a lot of undesirables — “low renters,” as I like to call them –passing through Network and I was wondering if maybe we shouldn’t consider turning Network into something like a gated cyber-community. Net: Hmmm … we’ll have to check the First Amendment on that.
Maybe something equivalent in cyberspace to an electrified fence would be appropriate. I remember as a small child being mesmerized by the bug light in the back yard, and I am good with electricity! Maybe we should even put something enticing on the other side of the Network cyber fence — something parallel to tasty fruit trees. Net: As long as there isn’t any grass — after some of these discussions, we’re certain it’s greener over there. Sigh. Anyway I just thought I’d voice my concern. Net: You’re not the only one, but such are the harrows of an open forum. It’s like getting to know your University like you’d get to know the neighbors — if they mugged you. Thanks for your time. Net: And thank you for yours. And thanks to everyone who wrote in — we’re sorry we were only able to print a fraction of your letters. But now, we must carry on.

From Da KC: I have two questions that only Network can answer. Net: Yes, we’re single, and no, we’re not your TA. I’m an international student from South Korea. I’m graduating in June and going back to Korea. Can you tell me how I can subscribe to the Daily in Korea? No, but we know that if you have Internet access, you can get it anywhere. And if you don’t have access, we’re sure you can call the circulation folks at the Daily. They’ll set you up. Actually, I don’t need the entire Daily. All I want is just the Network. Net: You have a discerning eye for great journalism. We see great achievements in your future.
My second question is, Why is there at least one guy who speaks English with a damn British accent (Should I say bloody British accent?) in every major movie? Net: Affirmative action. I mean, I finally can understand about 99 percent of what Americans say after four years of struggle, but now, every time I go to a movie I have no idea what the heck is going on because British English sounds so different (and stupid) from American English. I don’t know what to do. Net: Tape every episode of “Fawlty Towers” and call us in the morning. That’ll get ya appreciatin’ the accent. But we empathize. We can’t handle the lack of the bloody eighth letter either. You’d think we were Pygmalion or something.
P.S. Thank you Minnesotans for all the great memories. Minnesota nice has been so nice to me. Net: We’re happy to see one Asian student who feels that way. May the road rise to meet you, etc. …

From Timeout: Would someone please set the clocks straight in the new CSOM building?
It seems as though there is an employee for every other half-ass responsibility in that facility — couldn’t they just hire someone to set the clocks when daylight savings actually happens? Almost every room in that building is still an hour slow and room 2-215 is TWO hours slow.
I figured that Network may have the influence needed to get someone to update the clocks in our grand, futuristic, state of the art facility. Net: You’re too kind. Let’s let this sit a couple days and see if the glare of public attention alone will set things right. If not, we’ll sic the squirrels on Carlson — they’ve been itchin’ for a fight. Watch out. You’ve been warned.
Thank you.