Ventura declares self king dictator for life

ST. PAUL, Minn. (AP) – Minnesota Gov. Jesse Ventura announced Friday he will not seek reelection as governor. Instead, Governor Ventura has declared himself “king dictator leader for life” of Minnesota.

Ventura unveiled his new leadership plan on the Capitol steps before a surprised group of onlookers. “Today marks a new beginning for the state of Minnesota. Under my universal leadership I’m confident the state will be in good hands: mine.”

Citizen reaction to the plan was mixed.

“I was one of those dumbass students who voted for him, and now my tuition is through the roof. But then again, he was a pro-wrestler. So that’s pretty cool. Overall, I just want to wait and see,” said Jim Indecisive.

But not every citizen was as forgiving: “I hate this plan. But then again, it could be a good thing, since voting is all hard and stuff. Plus this will make newspapers less not-interesting,” said Suzy Dumbass.

State lawmakers were unsure of the legality of Ventura’s plan.

Rep. Phyllis Kahn, DFL-Minneapolis, said, “I want his head on a platter for coming up with this plan. I’m going to take a nap now.”