Dear Dr. Date,
I think the amount of sex my girlfriend and I have been having is less because of her concern about sleeping on clean sheets. She doesn’t want to have sex every night of the week because she doesn’t want to do laundry every day. How do I convince her that having sex and messing the sheets is normal and should not be such a big concern?
— Mr. Messy Sheets
When I was young, my mother said something to me that I still don’t quite understand completely. I was still a virgin. One day, my mother sat down with me at the kitchen table and talked to me about sex. This conversation was more than the preliminary birds-and-bees discussion; it was designed to impress upon me the importance of using a condom. She was convinced that I had already started having sex. I was shocked and confused. I asked her why she thought I was having sex. She told me that she had found something in my room. It wasn’t a condom, but one of those handiwipes that come with greasy food like fried chicken or ribs. I asked her what this had to do with sex and she told me that you need them to “clean up” with after having sex.
To this day, I don’t really comprehend what’s so bad about not being clean immediately after sex. I think it’s nice, but apparently it bothers other people. I’ve noticed, however, that people who have a low threshold for filth will never really change. Whereas I don’t really mind sand in the bed, everyone I’ve ever shared a sandy bed with has freaked out because of it. In fact, for most people, just the mention of sand in the bed is enough to cause visible discomfort. No amount of counseling or shock therapy would change them. For this reason, I think you’re going to have to deal with the situation and change your messy ways.
If you really want to have sex more often, you’ll have to take some steps to alleviate your sweetheart’s filth phobia. For instance, you could wash her sheets for her. While you are at it, you could do the rest of her laundry, too. It’s a sweet gesture she’ll not likely forget. Another option is to obtain a large towel or old blanket and every time you want to have sex, you could quickly spread it out. I know this sounds complicated, but if you want to have sex, accept it. Perhaps you could start having sex in other areas of the house besides her bed. Be creative — the shower, the bear rug in front of the fireplace, on the television set.
Still another choice would be to invest in vinyl sheets that are easier to clean up.