Slacker students excel at excuse-making

It’s the last week of classes and, ready or not, finals loom just around the corner.
During the next 12 days, teachers across campus will be dragged into a game played several times a year. Many University students will submit their entries into the most creative, pathetic excuse for why they cannot finish a paper on Aristotle or why they were not ready for a test on algebra. That finals week has become such a festival of outright lies points to a sad, underlying reality: It’s never the student’s fault.
Many University students have diligently studied over the past nine weeks, putting in three hours of work for each credit hour and preparing themselves for the culmination of their courses next week. After Dec. 12, they will have earned a break from the academic grind.
Unfortunately, for some students, the academic grind has been as coarse as velvet. They are finally waking up from a stupor of soap operas, beer, video games, Internet porn, “Magic: The Gathering” and the recreational drugs of their choice. They have not spent time on their classes and will soon pick their brains for the best, most believable excuses to present to their teachers for why they have not learned anything this quarter.
Among the most popular excuses will be the personal tragedies that have unexpectedly befallen their pitiable souls. Friends and family will have met unfortunate deaths. Friends will commit suicide. Siblings will be struck by drunk drivers. Grandparents will pass on. Less traumatic, but equally devastating to one’s academic life events will occur. Petty theft will skyrocket on campus as books and bags are stolen, leaving students nothing with which to study. Computer hard drives will crash in record numbers, as if a giant magnet had been lowered over the Twin Cities.
Undoubtedly some difficulties will be founded in truth, the results of actual misfortunes that have befallen University students. However, when teachers are asked to believe so many tragedies have occurred in so short a time, a sizeable portion of them must be groundless. Are teachers to believe that statistical averages cease to govern the universe for one crucial week at the end of each term? It is time excuse-making students halt their immature behavior. Take responsibility for your choices.
Rather than making excuses for why they should not be held accountable for the same work as their classmates, these lazy students should stand up straight and receive the D they deserve. Whining to professors after the fact only proves an annoyance to teachers who would rather devote their time to dedicated students, and it is demeaning to the University as a whole.
Those students who confront real problems certainly deserve some compassion. However, they should also be expected to demonstrate some maturity. Bad things happen to good people at inopportune times. It is just the way life works, and in the real world one’s misfortunes cannot be used as excuses. It is time to grow up and deal with one’s problems and get the required work done.
Students should spend this weekend studying hard for their finals and finishing papers. Some will realize their devotion to hedonism all quarter has left them ill-prepared. Don’t complain. Don’t make excuses. Hit the books and pray, but accept the grade you deserve.