Soulchild busts a rhyme; public replies, ‘Do shut up’

by Magsh Soulchild

This song was written for the final football road trip by Magsh Soulchild, and features Daily Sports employees on the microphone. The following is only a portion of the full joint, which is now the theme song of Daily Sports. Enjoy.

Carter: Have you seen my baseball? Have you seen my baseball?

Maggio: Knock knock on the door yo who is it? It’s Magsh Soulchild here to pay you a visit.

I’m givin props to all my cohorts that’s right I’m kickin this here 4 Daily Sportz.

All sorts of things this man here can shout but first I’m gonna speak about the peeps we write about.

It’s just one squad and they suck real bad, it’s one of the worst Glen Mason’s ever had.

Speaking of Mase that guy’s a real ass, he’s a got a bad back and he’s got no class.

His team can’t wait for the season to end, but as bad as they are he’ll still keep his Benz.

His run D sucks, they can’t get a sack, and every blocked punt is like a shark attack.

This Minnesota team has lots of problems but for a million dollars Glen Mason can’t solve them.

I don’t know what this putz is thinkin, his team can’t win a game on any weekend.

The first thing to do is sort it all out, so everybody sit down and shut yo mouth.

Gopher number 1, my man Ron Johnson, no second half balls for him quite often.

But we’ve gotta cut ol’ RonJon slack, they need pass, not run-first quarterback.

Right now we’ve got Asad he’s callin the signals, as Travis Cole’s time has slowly dwindled.

First he says hut, then drops back to pass, but after a second he takes off fast.

He gets on his horse, finds his hole and marks it, but Antoine Burns burned down his apartment.

But nobody seems to care about that cause the Gophers have three fast running backs.

No. 3 on the list is Thomas Tapeh, his rust goes down like every game.

No. 2 on the list is Marion Barber, he runs for the Gophs just like his father.

We all know who is first on the list, you wanna know who so you’re tellin me tell us.

Tellis “how good you are” Redmon’s his name, but don’t talk to him cause his quotes are lame.

Hey man, that’s enough about the Gophs, their season’s depressin, you want some excitement Daily Sportz has your lesson.

Heller (spoken like Milton from Office Space): ‘Scuse me, senorÖ Mason, I was told you would go to a bowl game and you STILL have not won the Micron PC dot com bowlÖand you still have not won the Wells Fargo Sun BowlÖI was told that you would not take the Ohio State job, but then they did not offer it to youÖand then you guys lost to Jim Tressel at the MetrodomeÖand you only draw 40 thousand people, and I wish you wouldn’t be so condescending the next time I talk to youÖI wish you would talk about injuriesÖand you told me practice was gonna be openÖand it’s STILL not open.

Maggio: You want a good time Daily Sportz is your place, we’ll hit wiffle balls right into your face.

Number 1 is the chief he’s got a quick fuse, no matter what it is he don’t like to use.

LaVaque: No, no, no, no!!! Damn youÖjackass.

Soulchild: Next on the list on my man John Carter, his girlfriend’s a hottie and he likes to call her.

Carter: You guys want some cookies?

Soulchild: Speaking of studs we’ve got two more, for Heller 20 inches is just a bore.

Carter: What u like Heller?

Heller: Whole lotta.

Soulchild: Then there’s Fink, women’s hoops is his ploy, but we all know he’s just a punk frat boy.

Fink: Sigma Alpha Nu

Soulchild: For the other intern here’s his rebuttle, what u got?

Blake: I have carpal tunnel.

Soulchild: Then there’s Hall, he gets real rowdy, he really likes to say.

Hall: Oh boy Howdy!

Soulchild: To finish it off, me Stensaas and Jabari, hockey is cool, women’s soccer is sorry.

I’m running out of time so I’ll bring this to a close with a little information most everybody knows.

Everybody in sports dates hot supermodels and my man Scooter Baugus’ gonna own two McDonalds.


Magsh Soulchild represents the midwest coast.