Net: Has the stereotype war between greeks and everyone else come to an end? Probably not — but as Frosh says, give peace a chance:
ALL APOLOGIES
From Frosh: Alas, greek bashing has become tiresome for the crack squadron of freshman commandos. Net: Finally got your new D&D paraphernalia in the mail, didn’t you? All of this hate and stereotyping is just killing us.
I’ll be the first to admit that sexual depravity and frustration caused us to lash out at the easiest target possible. Net: Wow. Now that’s openness. We bet we can get you a spot on “Jerry Springer.” Man, we were just looking for a good time on this campus. Every school needs its greek community Net: Like a fish needs a bicycle, but it just seemed to me that we need ours a little bit too much compared to most other schools. Net: Somebody’s got to keep the sorority babes warm. Over time, I have learned to accept that fact. It is just the current nature of the U right now.
Peewee, if wearing those cute embroidered greek letters on your sweat shirt and paying a quarterly installment for your brothers brings you satisfaction, that’s cool with me. Just keep that elitist attitude of yours to a minimum, and you will be amazed at the lack of animosity and stereotypes against you and your brothers. Net: Come on, Peewee. It only takes a spark, to get a fire going … May peace prevail on earth and God bless Net.
BURMA — SAVE
From Mick: Greetings. Net: Hi. The Minnesota Free Burma Coalition will be holding a symposium to discuss the human rights abuses and violence in Burma on Jan. 9, 1998, from 1-5 p.m. in the Law Center, room 50. I would like to encourage fuller coverage of the symposium and/or the situation in Burma.
The MFBC is a cooperative of students, community members, organizations, and Burma political exiles attempting to work locally to restore democracy in Burma, a once-vibrant nation that has been living under the world’s most abusive military dictatorship for years. The University’s Human Rights Center has co-sponsored us, and we are receiving daily endorsements from the local, national, and international network of human rights, pro-democracy, progressive, and Asian-Pacific organizations.
Of particular importance, we are sponsoring legislation in the Minneapolis City Council to pass a “selective purchasing agreement.” This agreement would bar any company from trading or investing in Burma. Such agreements have been enacted in the major cities in America and around the world as an added measure with the UN boycott to pressure the military regime to restore the elected government in Burma they deposed. If this agreement passes, international attention will be garnered for Minneapolis. Net: Right on! And remember, if you have any announcements to fight the forces of oppression, be it greeks, bad hair or the plight of the Burmese, we’re your place.
Now, back to our regularly-scheduled program.
UN-BEAR-ABLE — SQUIRREL TALES CONTINUED
From Pooh: I realize most people are unwilling to believe the tales of the squirrels plotting against us, but the fact is they just can’t handle the truth. One morning while walking to class I watched a squirrel jump out in front of a car. The elderly man driving the car swerved and went off the road. The car plowed into an oak tree, sending acorns flying everywhere. The squirrel picked up as many as his little arms could carry and darted off. So when you see a squirrel running back and forth across the street it doesn’t have a suicidal wish. It is hoping that a similar situation will occur. Beware, and watch out –they’re a shady bunch I tell ya.
From Ms. Bear: I would like to thank WakeUp for the accolades regarding my backbreaking efforts to keep my offspring in shoes, backpacks and macaroni and cheese those many years. Net: And the mother and child reunion is only a moment away … Danamania, to her credit, is no slouch either and it’s only fair that I (as her mom) come to her defense in some degree, even though she has attacked me publicly for my attempts to rid my home of squirrels.
Perhaps a little trip into my mind will clarify my “migration study” for those who give a tree rat’s ass. Net: We weren’t aware that they were a part of your experiments. We have a huge walnut tree. Every year squirrels come and denude the tree, chucking nuts at the dogs and running across our roof. I counted 60-plus squirrels one afternoon — I thought I had the DT’s! Net: You have a daughter — that’s bad enough. I figured if I gave them a free ride to the U Net: No one gets a free ride to the U unless they can slam-dunk, they could get even fatter picking through the trash on campus, develop atherosclerosis and die. Net: You’re not giving animal research a good name, Ms. Bear.
Spraying the tails orange will identify those who think they are Lassie and find their way home–THEY will not get another ride to the U, unless it’s to the raptor center! So if you see any orange roadkill … well at least now you know the rest of the story. Net: And thanks for telling us, Ms. Bear. We now consider the case closed.
ALL APOLOGIES, PART II
From MathLady: Network, I feel so stupid. Have you ever greatly insisted that you were in the right, and then found out you were actually wrong? Net: Upon further thought, no. I did that. I harassed one of my professors from last quarter, insisting he had given me the wrong grade.
Well, it turns out that it was a mathematical error on my part. Net: According to NITWIT — who is, among other things, a Roman Catholic cleric, you just have to say three “Ave Marias” and you’re absolved. Oops. What a letdown — I really wanted that A.
