Gwen Stefani’s Perfume Smells Like Bananas (B-A-N-A-N-A-S)

Kara Nesvig

I’m totally obsessed with perfume, and I’m so glad I’m not alone in my obsession. On Tuesdays and Thursdays, you can often find me at Neiman Marcus having a nice little chat with the salesladies about the newest Jo Malone offering. However, I stopped by Macy’s last week to put some NARS makeup on my Macy’s card (wise choice, the Orgasm blush is as ace as everyone says and I’m addicted to their Indian Red lip stain. . . as a red lipstick devotee, this one tops my list) and noticed a disgustingly cutesy display in the perfume section of that downtown department store. (I have a lot of issues with Macy’s, but that’s another day’s blog.) Said display was totally devoted to Gwen Stefani’s new line of perfumes for people in middle school or those with, as the campaign states, “a fatal attraction to cuteness.” Remember when Gwen used to travel around with that pack of cute Asian girls? Well, she made perfumes in their image, and one in her own. Each tiny bottle is shaped like “Love,” “Angel,” “Music,” or “Baby,” and the bitsy dollies are soooooo cuuuuuute. . ..or, kawaii? So naturally I stopped to sniff, though I was totally unimpressed with Gwen’s debut fragrance, L, last year. “Baby” smells like, you guessed it, a baby—-and though a bunch of dudes from another generation think Love’s Baby Soft is the sexiest perfume ever, I don’t share this opinion at all. “Angel” and “Music” and “Lamb” were as forgettable as any Victoria’s Secret body splash or drugstore knockoff brand, but worst of all was Gwen’s eponymous little dolly, “G,” which smells akin to spilling Malibu Rum all over yourself. Try as they might, the salesladies just couldn’t push a spritz or a purchase on me. Save them for the 7th graders.