Net: Our mailbox ke…

Net: Our mailbox keeps overflowing. There’s more on Iraq, and continuing sagas galore. Note to Netheads: Start sending in Valentine’s Day material. We’d like to devote Friday’s Net to the Big Day of Love. But in the meantime, we want to keep discussions going. Thus, we diversify.

From Juno: I have an idea that will spare Iraq’s civilians from war. Let’s bomb the leadership, and especially Saddam in Iraq. Net: No problem. We’ve had dumb bombs, smart bombs, why not ego bombs? Why do we do things ass backwards in this country? Net: We’re in the northern hemisphere. The water runs down the drain funny. Hey, and if some third-world power bombs our political leaders back in retaliation, do we not have elections to put people back in power? Net: Of course, the positions would be desired about as much as a manager’s job with the New York Yankees. I guess it’s kind of selfish of political leaders not to make themselves targets in war so it’s all that much easier for them to start them.
Twenty-plus palaces? Those are the first things I’d bomb. Make Saddam sleep in a Motel 8 without maid service! Net: We’d probably face a war crimes trial if we did that. Once the palaces are bombed no need to inspect them.

From Dan: I would like to respond to all those people who protest United States involvement with Iraq. First, I would ask this question. Who is more of a threat to the Iraqi people? The United States or Saddam Hussein? Net: Well …
Yes, economic sanctions are difficult on the Iraqi people but people forget that it was Saddam Hussein who put them in this situation. Frankly, he is a madman. He has plunged his country into two wars, used chemical weapons upon Iranians and his own people, and blindly shot missiles at cities in Saudi Arabia and Israel. Worst of all, he brutally invaded Kuwait and plundered the country.
The argument claiming that the “profit machine” drives the economic sanctions towards Iraq based on helping bolster the U.S. oil economy is false. Net: That’s right — actually, Iraq has hidden orange groves that, once unleased on the market, will destroy Florida’s economy. Oil prices have gone down significantly since the Gulf War even without Iraqi oil adding to supplies — so you can’t blame sanctions on the “profit machine” of the U.S. government. So all you protesters need to find other excuses to persuade me.
Right now I believe we must remove all possible means by which Saddam can cause more death and destruction in that region. He has the capability to still cause lots of damage. He should be punished harshly up until the point that he no longer does. All of you whining that the Iraqi people are being punished for nothing should really think of the suffering of the Kuwaitis, Kurds and Israelis before demonstrating to give that madman back the ability to do more damage.
I do feel bad for the Iraqi people, but still Hussein isn’t allowing medical and food that are sent to reach them. The real enemy of the Iraqi people is Saddam Hussein. So YES — bomb the hell out of his ability to cause suffering.
From Benjamin: Hello — I am a student living in the dorms here at the University and I thought I’d share this ad I came across in my hall. Apparently, somebody is trying to sell a used LOVE EWE? From what I gathered, it is an inflatable sheep used for sexual gratification. Here is part of the ad:
This life-sized inflatable sheep can add a little excitement to any bachelor’s life. Love Ewe is a high-quality, life-sized, anatomically correct, inflatable sheep with red garters, fishnet stockings and lipstick. Love Ewe is perfect for almost any college student who has hit a little bad luck. Equipped with an extra narrow anal passage for the genitally challenged. Velcro gloves included for better handling. Imported from Indiana Net: Imported from Indiana? Who owned this thing — John Mellencamp?, satisfaction guaranteed.
$25 — OR BEST OFFER, INTERESTING TRADES CONSIDERED. Net: We’ll give $10. $25 for a Love Ewe isn’t bad new, but they depreciate fast. If the seller wants to bring it to the Daily, we promise to look at it. But that’s our final offer.

Net: And in our never-ending effort to serve the University community and increase the amount of happiness in this institution of higher learning, we give you:
From End of the World as We Know It to Fushia: I really want the BIKE!!! My very first bike was a girl’s blue Schwinn with detachable training wheels! Oh how I loved that bike! I’ve wanted another one ever since. I had a few bikes after that, but I went without a bike for about five years until I needed one for college. So my dad bought me a mountain bike from Target. After about a month the frame got bent because it was a cheap bike, and I brought it back for repair. I kept calling and it took them nine MONTHS to fix it. Then I got it back, rode it to school a few times, and realized it was like riding a training bike on the highest resistance, because the frame (brake) still scraped the wheel.
So my bike sucks and I only got to use it for a month, and I don’t have enough money to buy a new one. The point of all this is if I were lucky enough to be chosen to take care of the Schwinn, I would do so to the best of my ability. Thank you for your time. Net: And thank you for writing us. We’ll forward your letter to Fushia, and once your identities are solidified we hope you’ll be able to have your desire granted. Let us know how it works out!