I need to step up my game

If you must judge my character from my columns, don’t look at the one I wrote last week.

by Mat Koehler

My column last week was a great example of how deadlines provoke poor writing. Well, I suppose that would be shifting the blame ” I should just come clean and admit that my last column sucked.

Writer’s block, insomnia and a frantic last-minute approach led me to create an unfunny, inaccurate and misled piece about the state of our student union. I apologize for wasting everyone’s time.

Without doing a bit of research (this is a favored method of mine), I suggested that Coffman’s late-night program should adopt a “free parking” policy.

Well, guess what? I pulled a major John Hoff (in regard to his “sent folder” flub), because the Gophers After Dark late-night program validates all University ramp parking.

Not only that, but my half-hearted attempt at satire left many readers more confused than usual.

Please allow me to clear the air.

I thought it would be ironic to blame the homeless for our spoiled student community’s social apathy, but that point was fatally flawed by my insistence on getting a laugh. While mangling all potential humor aspects, I managed to generalize and (I assume) insult some of the homeless people who frequent our student union.

I was a lowlife bully when I chose to pick on the homeless ” a population that has to endure the misery and humiliation of having no home as it is.

Some of the antics of homeless people can be funny, but the whole issue of homelessness is not.

I should know, I’ve spent many a day volunteering at shelters and food pantries, and I realize that homelessness is mostly caused by the framework of our societal structure.

It is an unfortunate product of unemployment, public education shortcomings, violence, the Horatio Alger myth, the indifference of more fortunate people, social program cuts, etc.

I should have spread awareness of our country’s vicious cycle of homelessness in our country, not exploited it in a slapdash humor piece.

So if you must judge my character from my columns, don’t look at the one I wrote last week.

Also, you might not want to read any of my satire.

Too many readers out there can’t see through the most obvious sarcasm.

Now that I think about it, don’t read anything I’ve put out ” you shouldn’t be judging my character anyway.

After last week’s embarrassing piece of junk editorial, I need to step up my writing game.

I want to get people to think critically and laugh (like how the president does it, only with intentional humor).

If that doesn’t work, I guess I’ll just continue ranting about squirrels and hat hair.

Who do you think I am, John Stossel?

Give me a break!

Mat Koehler welcomes comments at [email protected].