Dear Dr. Date, He…

Dear Dr. Date,
Hello there! I just wondered if maybe you could help us out — what is going on with the wussy guys on campus? I mean they give you all the looks and smiles and a little conversation but are too chicken to really ask you out? I have a few guy friends who admit they just couldn’t go up and talk to a girl … what do they really think we’re going to do? Like maybe we really don’t like to go out? I know it makes guys nervous, but come on, really, just try it.
–Three Frustrated Juliets

The problem, dear Juliet, is that most guys have heard women complain about dorky guys trying to hit on them. None of us want to be dorky guys. Most guys fall into two categories: those with an unnecessarily low self-esteem and those with an unnecessarily high self-esteem.
Somewhere in between is the perfect combination of confidence and modesty. I’m sure you can picture such a person in your head and more often than not, that person is an actor from a movie. Take someone like Hugh Grant for instance. Women seem to love the guy because he’s a very attractive guy that doesn’t tell you he’s attractive. If Hugh Grant walked up to you on campus and, in his cute boyish way, asked you out, sure, you’d be delighted.
Women tend to be turned off by approaches made by creepy, deranged men and super, slick smooth operators. Men: If you are not one of these types of guys, then you should have no concerns when approaching a women you’d like to talk to. From talking to shy men about their fears, they repeatedly say that they don’t like to approach women because they feel like a deranged/creepy/overslick/slimy guy. The solution for shy men of this sort is to simply get over it. Think small steps instead of trying to overhaul your entire personality overnight. Set a small personal goal for yourself of taking one social risk each week. A tiny boost in your confidence can lead to great things both socially and romantically.
Examine your intentions closely. If you are talking to a woman in hopes of finding a one-night stand that you’ll forget about the next day and never talk to again, you should be prepared that most women aren’t into this. Some are looking for the same thing, but you’ll have to look harder and expect to be rejected repeatedly.
Women can pick up on some of your unspoken intentions and if you are talking to a woman simply because you want a generic, pretty girlfriend, then you should also be prepared for rejection. Everyone wants to be worth more than what society labels them. Approach women as individuals — as human beings — not objects.