Net: Well, friends, it’s Tuesday, so you all should know what day it is:
*drumroll*
IT’S SOOPER KOOKILICIOUS WACKY NUTTYMcCRAZY JOYFULUBRIOUS MAGNIMONIOUS HAPPY FUNTABULAR TUESDAY!
So, in honor of this occasion, we humbly request that everybody wear your pants (or skirts) at half-mast and finally fulfill your life-long dream to be a dancer. DANCE, DAMN YOU! DANCE! IN THE NAME OF ALL THAT IS HOLY, DANCE!
WHY ARE YOU NOT DANCING?

COFFMAN MONEYSINK

From YINX: OK, so usually I have no problem keeping my opinions to myself. Usually that is because they are not worth sharing. This time I really want to know … what’s the deal with the whole Union thing? Net: Apparently the design was too expensive, so they’re gonna have to cut a few of the jacuzzis and Turkish spas for the student groups Am I ever gonna get to set foot in that gutted pile of junk? I am a junior this year, OK, so I am a sophomore Net: But really, aren’t we all just sophomores at heart? … last year I got to go in it a few times, but because I lived in the dorms, I didn’t really need a place to go between classes. Now I am stuck in the mall all day and it’s all good on nice days, but what happens when it gets to be winter. Where will I go? What will I do? Net: We suggest any local campus bar. You hear that, Coffman? Your lack of renovation is causing students to drink! The horror! I think I’ll just do what I did last year … not go to class and just sit on my ass and cry all day long. Net: Intersperse that with a little bit of rocking back and forth in the corner, and it can make for quite an enjoyable day Outie …

CALMERTHANYOUARE

From dumbstruckcleaningman: I am a building and grounds person and I must say you folks around here are freaking pig-like jackasses. Net: Does anybody like anybody on this campus? I understand my job is to clean up around “beautiful” U, but come on, could you be a little less porcine? Pick up after yourselves a little bit would you!? I’m not your mommy or your wife. Also figure out what the frickin’, if I may use such language, Net: No recycling cans are for. Color coded with big-NUTTed words explaining what each lovely receptacle is for. You’re college students, supposedly, use yer noodles! And to top off my silent scream at you simpletons, winter cometh, and when she does, please use doormats, rugs, Net: Scooters other people, whatever you can find, to wipe the salt and slush from your crappy little shoes, so as not to track it every which way but loose. Thank you, I’m all warm and fuzzy inside now.
Oh yeah, Creed sucks everything at once, but Husker Du is all that and more. Net: (Super Net True Minnesota Fact) The bassist for Husker Du is the head chef at a restaurant in Minnesota! Try the tenderloin!

From Phlegm of Discontent: I am quite pleased because I just got a rebate check from the government. Net: Pre-paying DWI tickets again, just in case? I don’t feel guilty about it because it was money I had paid in taxes and now Uncle Jesse and the decadent capitalist running-dog fat-cat bourgeois pigs Net: The ones who wear monocles and carry big sacks of money with a big ‘$’ on the side of St. Paul have finally decided to give that money back to me. It’s about damned time. If I’m going to give up nearly a quarter Net: 25 cents? You must be in a low tax bracket of my income to the government, I want those tax dollars to be spent on something useful or cool, like particle accelerators and guns and spaceships and tanks and Highway 55 and bombs and B-2 bombers to drop those bombs on unsuspecting Third World citizens every time the President gets a blow job from a chubby intern. I don’t want my tax dollars wasted on useless crap like Social Security, which I’ll never get to enjoy, or free Internet access for retards Net: Sorry Meph in grade schools who thing Linux is a character in Peanuts, or high tech, $20,000 toilet seats Net: They take all the work out of pooping! for the Department of Bureaus Building. But that’s all moot now that I got my money back. I and I alone get to decide what to spend my money on. It’s an incredible feeling. I imagine it’s similar to what our Founding Fathers felt when they forced King George III to give up trying to collect the 3-cent Stamp Tax, or something like that. I think I’ll spend my money on booze and hookers. Net: Just like the Founding Fathers
From roi de l’univers: All buildings crumble down eventually, forget going hastily inside. Just kindly let Minnesota nuke our prostates. Quick run scared to University Village, where X-suburbanites yell zealously and buy crackers, derived edible fish golden. Has information jailed kids? Let mighty Network opine, providing question relevance. Shit. They Might Be Giants do, in fact, rock. Net: We want a shoehorn, the kind with teeth


UH, TWOMORELETTERS

From Enrique the Toad: To DirkDiggler, you apparently know nothing about the Carlson school to write such an entry. Net: Never stopped anybody before First off, the waste of tax dollars is quite nil because most of the money needed for the building was donated by various companies. These companies weren’t getting their behinds wiped by anyone, they donated to the school because they apparently like the students coming out of the school. Second, as far as the simplicity of your classes, the only classes that non-Carlson students are given permission to take (permission is needed to take your beloved IT classes by any non-IT people as well, so don’t go there) are the pre-major classes, and none of those are very intensive. The dress in these classes is also more professional because this is usually non-Carlson students dressing up to impress professors. Once you get into upper level classes, the dress is much relaxed. Net: They apparently wear togas in the 5000-level classes Dirk, make sure you know at least something about what you’re bitching about before you run your mouth. Thank you! Net: Bleh
Net: Keep those letters flowing. Anybody else angry about the fact that you’re paying about $50 a semester for a Union that you will never be able to use?