.Whoever once said
There’s an end to bad luck
Never met Dick Cheney
And had enough time to duck

He emerged from his cave
Dick’s castle pretend
And with a kilo of birdshot
Popped an old friend

Hallelujah, he’s fine
Harry’s back in the sun
Steve Tyler was right
Cheney’s got a gun

A heart attack later
Past a tablet or two
You’d think it was Cheney
Who abruptly turned blue

First it’s bin Laden
Now it’s a quail
“I just want one animal
That can’t make me fail”

Misfortune or ruse
Dick’s always had vigor
But this gives new meaning
To pulling the trigger

Dick says he was wrong
He said sorry to Harry
“It was an illusion, old friend
I thought you were Kerry”

The media took note
To no one’s surprise
How could they not
Harry barely has eyes

But why all the drama
Why the lampoons
This was bad aim
Not some Danish cartoons
CNN made a timeline
Of the whole silly case
As for Michael Jackson
And his new plastic face

Dowd had a fit
Nearly called him a liar
Maher blew a gasket
And demanded a pyre

“Why hold the news?”
The press corps inquired
“He’s silent, he’s shifty,
He must have conspired!”

They claim a strange ploy
That Bush had to know
They want an investigation
Just to put on a show

Boxer could grandstand
Kennedy would cry
It would be Alito all over
“Why did you lie?!”

A hearing for Durbin
A statement for Dayton
The awful conclusion:
“Cheney is Satan”

As much as Dems weep
It’s not like Dick tried
As much as libs sob
They can’t prove Dick lied
They cry, “What a scoundrel!
He pretends to have guts,”
But Dems are just jealous
That Cheney has nuts

Alas, it’s all over
Cheney’s stopped talking
If only this ended
The media’s sad squawking

He’s a little more broken
Dick has to be hurt
But even this can beat out
A Halliburton alert

Harry’s resting at home
A suit won’t be filed
The press again proves
It can act like a child

“So back to my bunker”
Dick said as he twirled
“Time to plan for ’08
When I take over the world”

If we were only so lucky
We can never foretell
Just keep it up, Dick Cheney
Keep giving ’em hell

Darren Bernard welcomes comments at [email protected].