Cohen: What We Can Learn From Kim and Kanye

Editor’s note: This article discusses domestic abuse and sexual violence. If you or anyone you know has experienced sexual harassment, the Aurora Center’s 24-hour helpline can be reached at (612) 626-9111. More resources can be found at the National Domestic Violence Hotline website.

In the world’s eyes, Kim Kardashian is a representation of unrealistic body standards, exploiting the female body for fame, undeserved wealth and so on. What can we learn from a woman who’s famous for a leaked sex tape and a 72-day marriage? Then there’s her ex, Kanye West, the infamous renegade of rap music, known more recently for absurdist social media rants and a botched presidential campaign. It’s hard to take them seriously as individuals and as a couple. How can these two possibly teach us something about intimacy?

For those who may not know, Kim filed for divorce from Kanye in January 2021 after eight years of marriage. Since then, Kanye has taken to social media in a series of tirades about Kim, their four children and Kim’s recent boyfriend Pete Davidson. Kanye has crossed the line several times within these rants, especially at one of his earlier political rallies, where he lamented to the crowd about how he and Kim almost decided to not have North, their first born child. More recently, Kanye released a music video for a recent collaboration, “Eazy”, in which a claymation version of Davidson is being tied up and buried by Kanye. Kim remains stoic in her reaction to a lot of what Kanye does, but lately she’s been pleading with him to leave their children (as well as Davidson) out of the messiness, with minimal success.

For years, Kanye has been a staple follow for any social media user. He has over 30 million followers on Twitter, and has been a source of entertainment since the platform’s genesis. I admit that I laugh at Kanye, just like anyone else, and didn’t think much of him berating Kim. I figured that this could be a typical Kardashian publicity stunt, that he is a much more composed human behind closed doors, though it’s also important to note that Kanye has been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, and we shouldn’t be laughing at mental illness in the first place. But it wasn’t until tuning into The Daily Show a few weeks ago that I reframed my mindset.

Trevor Noah, host of The Daily Show, did a nine-minute testimonial about the recent events in Kim and Kanye’s divorce and compared them to the domestic abuse that his mother experienced when he was a child. He talked about how difficult it is for victims to leave abusive relationships, and made the point that Kim is attempting to do the same thing, but in the public eye. She is no different than any other woman who is trying to move on from a relationship while a partner attempts to berate her for doing so. “If Kim cannot escape this, what chance do normal women have?” Noah said.

Kim has support. She has millions of fans and billions of dollars behind her, yet she still cannot prevent or end the harassment she is facing. You may say, “Oh, it’s a publicity stunt! These are the Kardashians! This is different.” But as Noah says, these things aren’t mutually exclusive, they can both be true: “Kim likes publicity, Kim is being harassed.” Think of women, or anyone, who find themselves cornered in an abusive relationship. We tell them the same thing, “if your partner hurts you, then leave!” It seems so easy to tell them this, but look what happens when they do. Even after the most powerful woman in the world left, she still can’t escape the torment of her previous partner. If Kim Kardashian can’t disentangle herself from her harasser, how is your next door neighbor supposed to? Your best friend? How are you supposed to?

Due to the public nature of their intimate lives, Kim and Kanye reintroduce a topic that is continuously swept under the rug. “Domestic abuse” feels like a huge term. It’s taboo, similar to words like “harrassment,” “rape,” or “sexual assault.” They feel too complicated and heavy, so we don’t speak about them unless a situation has the arbitrary stamp of approval signifying that we have defined it correctly. But what happens when we don’t use these words in the contexts we should? When we leave people out of the conversation because their situation may not apply perfectly to our limited definition? When we’re too afraid to label something because we’re afraid to be wrong? If we do these things, if we limit the conversation around these topics, we’re invalidating survivors. We’re pulling out the chair from under them, leaving them deserted and stifled.

As college students, we may think that domestic abuse doesn’t apply to us. We’re not married, and most of us don’t live with our partners. It feels like we are outside the “domestic” category. But this is where we need to shift our mindset, because collegiate women, meaning ages 16-24, have the highest rates of domestic abuse per capita. A majority of these cases are not reported, and therefore not discussed. In fact, 70% of victims don’t even realize they are experiencing abuse. So here is where Kim holds her power: think of all of the women in this age range that idolize Kim. They wear her makeup, watch her shows and follow her on all social media platforms. Can you imagine the impact it would have on young women if Kim called attention to the dangers of harassment, similar to what she’s experiencing?

Obviously, there are a lot of moving parts here. We can’t expect victims to take on the responsibility of educating others. It’s insensitive to think that Kim, as a victim, should have to do anything. But as an A-list celebrity, there’s different expectations. I would hope that anyone with Kim’s kind of platform would use it for good, however that may look. Even as Kim and Kanye work their way through this situation, we as a public audience need to address the severity of it rather than laugh.

What can we learn from Kim and Kanye? We can learn not to laugh when we’re uncomfortable. Instead, we can check in on our friends. We can look deeper into a scary situation rather than run from it. We can support women and victims of sexual harrassment, domestic abuse, etc., by talking openly about it. Kim and Kanye may be the epitome of the infamous, insensitive celebrity, but they are increasingly fundamental in the conversation surrounding happy, healthy relationships.

Here are some ways you can support victims of domestic abuse: