I want Assistant Vice President of Safety and Health Management Paul Tschida and Senior Vice President of Finance and Operations Jo Ann Jackson to share a bathroom. I want to see Mr. Tschida standing outside the door, hopping from one foot to the other like a 5-year-old. Can he hold it when he hears the flush and the horrible wait begins? It is an eternity while Ms. Jackson washes her hands. I want the two of them to pass, eyes to the ground, in the embarrassment most Westerners feel when somebody sees them pee or poop. Unless, of course, you’re in love. But wait, I want our illustrious VPs to share one unisex bathroom with about 500 angry art students. Yes, much better.
No, I am not some sick pervert. I do not need to see the high executives of this institution practicing bladder control techniques. I merely want them to think about the real effects their decisions have upon students. Students? Yes, sirs, there are some here at your money machine. All this excitement about the biffy grows out of the University’s desire to build the new archives building.
Like many of us when we get our birthday checks, the administration planned and scheduled without thinking. After the governor handed over the state-allocated money, they signed contracts for blasting and excavation before someone realized there might be a problem with the asbestos in the Art Building.
Rather than taking the chance of knocking the asbestos loose during the construction of the archives structure, University administrators decided to do a rush job removing it, thus compromising the space and schedule of the art department.
The plan calls for the removal to happen during a two-week period at the end of May. For two weeks, there will be only one unisex bathroom for the whole building!
Most art students can’t take their work home. A 1 a.m. pee break would mean a possible wait in line or a trip to Willey Hall. How exciting! Who knows if you’ll be able to get back into the building after leaving! Just how disgusting will this single bathroom in the Art Building become? SKANN-KEEEE, people!
I live in a house with three other people, and a day after a good cleaning you wonder, “What’s the point of trying?” Imagine my bathroom if the whole population of the Art Building had coffee with breakfast.
Traveling distance to the water closet is not the only issue: They’ve known about the asbestos here for years. The only reason they’re in a rush now is to service their schedule. Yes, I do appreciate that, at the very least, the asbestos will be gone, and I have no questions about the procedure. But they’ve waited before this. What’s two more months until a nearly empty building beckons? Answer: Money.
Our lobby is now filled with scaffolding. Very Gothic, but not quite the atmosphere for a conducive learning environment. Most drawing and painting classes have been disrupted by a move over to facilities at the Riverbend/Willey Hall food service. Try taking watercolor without access to water. Try getting into your class when the Riverbend is locked, and no one has a key. In fact, Mr. Tschida and Ms. Jackson, try doing anything in your offices while men in white environmental suits bang and spray and make a ruckus a few feet from your final project.
My point, deeply hidden in this bitch session, is simple. Think, administrators, VPs and Mr. President. Think about your students. Think before you’re on the verge of doing something stupid (like tearing out the historical heart of campus or disrupting life in the Art Building). Think about our morale, our feelings. How would you want to be treated if you were in our shoes? Much better, no doubt. I understand that a great deal of money is at stake, but our education should come before anything. That, it would seem, is your job.
Try thinking about that next time. Just don’t think about tubs of water emptying into the ocean or a hundred open faucets pouring into the river while you’re waiting for the occupied sign to disappear.

Matt Pogatshnik is a senior in the College of Liberal Arts.