If it’s true that a penny saved is a penny earned, read closely because I’m about to make you a ton of money.

Sept. 10, Sat., 7:00 pm – 10:00 pm – “Postracialization” gallery opening
XYandZ gallery (3258 minnehaha ave s)
Art openings are always a great place to see and be seen by people who also like to see and be seen. The show features work by multidisciplinary artist Nate Young who will examine stuff about which he says “I hope the meaning is and is not there … I do purposefully use a system that is not arbitrary in its actual functionality to create a situation where meaning is arbitrary.” Hopefully there will be crackers and cheese.

Sept. 12, Mon., 8:00 pm – Open Mic Night
Acme Comedy Club (708 North 1st St # G31)
Ok, yeah, I’m aware that citing an ongoing, extremely popular event for comedy nerds and comedians (also nerds) alike is a no-brainer. But would you really be impressed with a free event calendar that has three things on it? No reader of mine would. I know I’d be satisfied, but who’s writing this mess? But hey, it’s free, it’s every week, and you may just “catch a rising star.” (comedy club joke, anyone? anyone?)

Sept. 15, Thurs., 7:00 pm – “Performing Arts Season Preview”
Walker Art Center (1750 Hennepin Avenue)
Bear witness to the Walker’s 60 minute condensed presentation of over 20 performances going up at the Walker in the coming months. This includes dance, theater, music. You name it. They got it. Booze? Check. Behind the scenes insights and war stories from the senior performing arts curator Philip Bither? Check. Snowcones? Let’s hope so. There’s also an opportunity to mingle with some of the artists who will be in attendance. So dust off your pick-up lines and tuxedo shirt for this can’t-miss semi-formal evening. Galleries close at 9pm but will also be, you guessed it, free.

Sept. 17, Sat., 11:00 am – “The Archaeological Exploration of Sikyon”
Minneapolis Institute of Arts (2400 Third Avenue South)
The post-colon title of this presentation is “A Comprehensive Approach to the Study of a Greek City-state.” I’m sorry, I thought that would sound way more exciting before I copy and pasted it into this summary. In any case, am I the only person that thinks this sounds really great? Professor of archaeology at the University of Thessaly (go Trojans!) in Greece, Yanis Lolos will present a discussion about his work to reconstruct ancient civilization’s structure and evolution through an examination of its architectural monuments.