This week’s topic: Five worst things to order on a first date or a job interview, each as a haiku. Look out, suckaz!

1. Tacos.
Taco, spill your sauce
All over my brand new pants
Shame is my new friend.
(Possible exception: Soft tacos)

2. Long pasta.
Suck the noodles in
Puckered mouth makes noodles dance
Stains abound, you jerk

3. Chicken wings.
Sauce up to your wrist
You look foolish, like a child
Painful toilet ride

4. Stinky cheese.
You think you are French?
These smells will not win you friends
Sit alone and cry

5. Deep fried shrimp.
Walking the fine line
‘Twixt frugal and classy? No!
You fail to impress