Network: Bi_Eye_For_The_Straight_Gal; Prettyin PINK

>I had to take a minute and collect myself after reading Voice of Treason‘s commentary yesterday. My first response was excitement, provoking the thought that there’s a comic genius amongst us with a neatly honed skill at satire. Net: Yeah, and it’s Network. But then I realized the dire truth, that yesterday’s ineptitude is only one example of the rampant idiocy that pervades this campus. Net: Haven’t been here long then, have you? In Voice‘s case, I’d like to chalk his insipid monologue and ghastly sense of spelling up to a bankruptcy in his sex-life, or maybe his dad is a Neanderthal. Whatever the reason for his cretin-hood, I’d like to put on my style hat and give Voice some tips. Net: Did you know that the Ramones song “Cretin Hop” was inspired by St. Paul’s Cretin Avenue.? It’s true! (1) Buy a dictionary and learn how to use it. Would you have been proud or suicidal if you knew your son had written yesterday’s entry? Net: That really depends. If we committed suicide because our son was a cretin, would we have to go to hell or just spend an extra 300,000 years in purgatory? (2) Technical advice: Use the NUTTing spell-check. You write like a g-darn moron. And, (3) if you ever hope to snag a piece of sorority girl ass, I’d suggest you put down the “water pipe” and video game controller and learn something about the world that surrounds you. There are children starving in Africa, for chrissake! Net: Hmm, yeah, but does that really address whether flibbertigibbets in Minneapolis should wear pink socks? Well, Net, I didn’t expect to turn my attentions back to males; I thought they were on the right track, honestly. Net: Shows what you know. That Y-chromosome is a wily fellow, indeed, and I suppose he’ll keep throwing us curveballs, but it’s high time for me bring my MALE self back to my APARTMENT where I can BEAT MYSELF with a PLEATHER RIDING CROP. Take it easy, Voice, and watch out for your cornhole. Net: Or as our friends “down-under” say: “Keep your freckle to the wall, mate!”

From Prettyin PINK

Ok so the things that have been said over the past few days warrant a response. Net: No doubt you’re referring to Russian President Vladimir Putin’s claim that his country is developing a new nuclear missile. We agree this provocation demands a response. As Secretary of State-designate Condoleezza Rice opined: Multilateralism is “perverse.” Clearly, the “Rice doctrine” holds that we must strike first, and strike hard. Russia has been outlawed. Bombing begins in five minutes. First of all you can be intellegent and still look cute. Just because I don’t dress like a geek doesn’t mean I am not just a intelligent as one. Second of all thank you Voice of Treason who said that Bi-Eye for the Straight Gal was a “ARROGANT BITCH” I am inclined to agree. She claims God made her a “fashion Queen”. Wow really? Huh when was the last time you saw your shrink? No one on this campus is a “Fashion Queen” we all have our faults lets face it we have all lived through some terrible fashions (most recently the ponchos the people are wearing). Wearing pink does NOT mean you are just aiming to reproduce and if you think it does then you have more problems than I thought. I also would like to say thank you to StraightEyeFromTheStraightGuy for proving my point that guys like women in pink. As for you Bi-Eye I hope next time you go out to somewhere other than class you think as you getting dressed and maybe try to put some of the supposed God given gift of being a “Fashion Queen” to good use. Net: You know, at this point, any snide response on our part would just be superfluous. We will say that trying to educate these people is like teaching a pig to sing: You don’t get any singing, and it upsets the pig.