Changes, they’re a-coming.
At least that’s what local strip club owners say.
The end of the millennium will bring riots and pillaging, some experts predict. Club owners are hoping the destruction encompasses churchesm, as well.
“I hope they tear down those self-righteous towers,” said John Freeman, owner of Candy’s Corner.
Freeman has developed a consortium of strip joints and sex shops that will defile and destroy the churches in the Minneapolis area on New Year’s Eve.
“They have been a thorn in our side for years,” he said. “Some priests have come in here and said my pictures of genitalia on the wall are the devil’s work. I mean, come on.”
During the past decade, several church groups have protested outside his establishment, publicly ridiculing people who attempted to enter.
Minneapolis has two powerhouses on each side of the spectrum: Sex World and the Basilica of St. Mary.
The two will square off in a battle of morality on Dec. 31. Only those with hearts of pure good or pure evil are invited to participate.
Blocks away from the church, Sex World has expanded as business and controversy have thrived.
Employee Greg Halbert said the sex store has diversified its stock from dildos and blow-up dolls to live animals and colostomy bags.
“My mom would be proud,” he said. His mother is former adult entertainer Anita Takacrap.
However, the Basilica does not find the expansion an exciting endeavor.
“Sexual intercourse is not a game involving crotchless undergarments; it is about love,” said Father Henry Landon of the Basilica. “It is for married couples who have proven their devotion to each other with vows in the presence of the Lord.”
Church officials said they will join millennium festivities with their prayers. Plans to guard the church on the millennium eve will prevent then from boozing and whoring.
Feminist Gillian Dent said both sides are waging a war of hypocrisy. “Sex World claims that love of women is the reason for pornography, yet sell depictions of women getting abused? The church claims to hate all pornography, yet I’ve seen priests buy pornography.”

Eagle-eyed Lunatic covers sex in church and welcomes comments at [email protected].