So let me get this straight. Anti-war protesters want us to abandon our education system to oppose the war in Iraq, which could have been avoided had more people been better educated? And anti-war liberals want us to pressure the federal government to abandon the war by walking out of institutions primarily funded and run at the state and local levels? Did I get that right?

Silly protesters.

Now, I will admit it was an impressive march Wednesday. I showed up to watch a couple of dozen high nincompoops drone on about the pros of feminist-Marxist socialism, and I found a couple of hundred high nincompoops drone on about the pros of feminist-Marxist socialism.

All the species of half-wit Cindy Sheehan supporters came to the march. I think the entire gay-lesbian-bisexual-transgender-asexual-trisexual-hypersexual community had a cameo, rainbow-striped flags and all. The Socialist Alternative bunch were preaching about the need for free public health care out of one side of their mouth and puffing on a Marlboro out of the other. As I walked through the fog of black leather and cigarette smoke, I discovered that even Minneapolis’ 40-year-old burnouts joined the fun.

It was such an idyllically diverse crowd, I felt like I was in a McDonald’s commercial for a couple of seconds there. I just couldn’t figure out whether these people were protesting a war on the other side of the world or their own confused self-loathing.

For all the signs and people and media doting upon them, the thing the protesters were missing was sanity. Anti-war liberals keep saying they support the troops and then go protest outside military recruitment centers, as if to tell underprivileged kids they are not allowed to serve their country to get a free education. These simps tell us we should support our servicemen and servicewomen by pulling them out of Iraq, regardless of whether the country might subsequently fall into chaos. “Make jobs, not war,” is their favorite credo.

To simplify it for those who haven’t caught on yet, here is the fundamental liberal idea about the war: Honor our fallen by abandoning the cause they died for. This is the fundamental liberal idea about medicine: Guarantee the same physical health to both Richard Simmons and the 500-pound, walking walrus chain smoker. This is the fundamental liberal idea about job creation: The government should provide them.

What makes all this especially curious is that 90 percent of the protesters Wednesday would love the opportunity to pummel President George W. Bush. I have never understood why the left has such an overpowering disdain for the Bush administration in the first place. The president has been one of the biggest spenders in American history, having established huge medical entitlement programs, substantially increased education funding, launched expansive new overseas aid initiatives and signed into law a gargantuan $286 billion transportation bill.

Bush is still harangued as a gay-hater, even though he signaled his support for equal rights for gay couples before the 2004 election. He spent a year at the United Nations pandering to corrupt bureaucrats and foreign leaders to get Security Council support for the Iraq invasion. His new Supreme Court nomination, Samuel Alito, has signed off on pro-choice rulings in three out of the four abortion rights cases brought before him on the 3rd Circuit Court of Appeals.

My goodness, conservatives and middle-Americans have been fed up with the Bush administration’s “compassionate” policies. What do liberals want – Howard Dean in the White House?

Let’s face it: The march Wednesday had everything to do with hating Bush and little to do with military policy. Most anti-war protesters have not read the 9/11 Commission Report, pre-war intelligence reports or the U.N.’s 1998 weapons report on Iraq; these people opposed the war well before we found out Saddam Hussein duped the world. Ultimately, they hate the president because he refuses to be a pawn of Jacques Chirac or Kofi Annan.

As much as moderate Americans are getting fed up with the bad news out of Iraq, polls suggest Democrats and their leftward allies are not building support either. Adults know people like George Soros and Michael Moore don’t have solutions – they have gripes. 300 protesters have 1,500 conspiracy theories and not a constructive, realistic idea among them. Until liberals make the realization that their screaming is repulsing more people than drawing, they will never enjoy the widespread backing of the American people.

But, really, congratulations on the protest, fellas.

Darren Bernard welcomes comments at [email protected].