Dear Not Dr. Date,
I was not pleased with our lovemaking session last night. What do you propose I do?
— Wondering in Tampa

Hey, Wondering, GO TOHELL.

Dear Not Dr. Date,
Do you find me pleasing?
— Lost in Yonkers

Frankly, we’ve been more turned on by a burning pile of roadkill being urinated upon.

Dear Not Dr. Date,
Where do you get off telling people to go to hell?
— Confused in Blegen

Generally in your mother’s bed. Sometimes in your father’s. Depends what kind of a mood we’re in.
Dear Not Dr. Date,
I am pregnant and I believe you are the father. What talk show should I confront you on?
— Crying in Denver

How about Martin Sheen’s new talk show, “Go to Hell?”

Dear Not Dr. Date,
How do Iget rid of a boyfriend I no longer enjoy?
— Farting in Freeport

Gun.

Dear Not Dr. Date,
What black and white film do you recommend for maximum gradation and smallest grain? The actual speed does not matter.
— Bleeding in Boston

For ease of use, we heartily suggest Agfa’s APX 25. A beautiful film for landscape or bright sun work. It has been discontinued, so be sure to pick some up soon. If you desire the least grain possible, albeit with fairly complicated processing, try Kodak’s Technical Pan document film. Expose at ASA 25 and develop in Rodinal 1:300.

Dear Not Dr. Date,
Where can Imeet fun, active members of the opposite sex?
— Lonely in Uganda

What are you looking for the opposite sex for? Same-sex is where it’s at!

Dear Not Dr.Date,
Why did you hit me?
— Hopeful in Pantsville

That was a mistake. We thought you were the comedian Galagher.