WE LIED OK, OK -…

WE LIED

OK, OK — So we told you we were going to let the homophobia discussion die of natural causes. But how can we resist these letters? Don’t worry folks — the end is in sight. Today we offer you two esteemed guests who have been at the heart of it all. And on Monday (mark your calendars) we have some Super Secret Special Guests to offer the be-all and end-all input.
Excited? We sure are. Stay tuned. This plot has definitely thickened.
Our first message is …

From One of the Kissers: All right, all you nutty homophobes, I think you missed the whole point of the Kiss-In. As a matter of fact, I know you did.
As one of the infamous Kissers who appeared in the Daily, I’m going to spell tell you why I was a kissin’ fool. All right, here it goes. News flash: The point of the Kiss-In was not so that you could be comfortable with queers kissing, although if that was the case, then tally-ho wonderful. The point of the Kiss-In was that we were comfortable with ourselves. We took the initiative to show the straight world that if you can do it, we can too.
The Kiss-In was a celebration of our freedom to express our emotions and feelings in a public forum, a right that the straight community has held exclusively for far too long. And, although I was out there kissing for completely selfish reasons, the Kiss-In served its purpose. It has created dialogue and discussion about the rights of gays, lesbians, bisexuals, and transgenders to express themselves emotionally as openly and freely as the straight community does.
And the Kiss-In did serve as an educative tool. During the Kiss-In a straight woman approached two of us, who had just finished kissing, to tell us that it was one of the most beautiful things she had ever seen.
So, my friends, look forward to more queers lockin’ lips on Northrop Mall, in Willey Hall, Bailey, Coffman, Johnston, etc. And from what I hear from some of my hetero gal-pals, some of y’all straight boys could learn a thing or two about kissing from your local gay boy. Net: Thank you, One of the Kissers, for giving us the scoop straight (pardon the irony) from the source. And now, for our second celebrity guest of today, we have (drum roll please … )

From Nadafag: Little did I know what was to become of my letter about gays. Unlike some people believe, I don’t consider myself as being made “a complete fool of.” I am quite pleased and maybe even a bit proud of all of the commotion I have stirred.
There seems to be a little confusion about what I am for and against, though. Now that each sentence of my letter has been torn apart, I would like to clarify a few things:
First of all, I would like to tell everyone who has been wasting on Network for printing this stuff to either shut up or stop reading it. Network is a place for people to express how they feel about different issues. Not everyone is going to agree with what people have to say.
Now to clear up a few things, when I said I didn’t think being gay is right, I meant that being gay isn’t right. I didn’t mean I am against diversity, which is what some of you think. The comment about, “have you ever puked when someone walked up to you and spoke Spanish” did not make one bit of sense. Where did I ever say I was against diversity? I didn’t. All I said was that I thought homosexuality was wrong and that it makes me sick to think of or see gay people making out.
Did any of you read Dr. Date today when he stated that “sodomy means carnally knowing any person by the anus or by or with the mouth?” It stated that sodomy is illegal by Minnesota State Statute 609.293. If your sexually screwed-up minds lead to action, you are breaking the law.
Homosexuality may mean diversity, but it is wrong! Would everyone like it if our campus was diversified with rapists and serial killers displaying what they believe in? Certain types of diversity are good and other types of it are way too far over the edge. Because the U is diverse is one of the reasons I came here. I did not come here, though, to see people rallying for something that is not only wrong, but illegal! Net: And darn it, one freedom we have here is freedom of speech — no matter how painful it may be. That’s it for today’s debate, folks. But remember — there’s light at the end of the tunnel. Even at the end of the tunnel vision, if that be the case…

PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENTS

From The Main Dish:
I think a nice break from homophobiaphobes and the homophobes that have recently been dominating your column would be a nice public service announcement. Net: Agreed. Remember — we’re here to help you. I found a set of keys Wednesday in Physics 150. The key ring is a well-used Barbie that is severed at the waist. Net: Hmmm … If the lady or the perverted guy who owns them wants them back, my e-mail and phone number will be available to Network.
Polyester causes out-of-body experiences.

From Hope: Good morning, everybody. I need your help — and yes, there is a reward. On Wednesday I discovered that my grandma’s bracelet has disappeared. After frantically ripping apart my house and shedding plenty of tears, I decided it was a lost cause — until I thought, “Network saves all.” Net: A common thought nowadays. This bracelet has very personal and sentimental meaning for me and to anyone that’s found it I will be eternally grateful. The bracelet is sterling silver, flat, 1/2-inch wide, and has pheasants engraved on the four pieces of silver making up the band. I just have faith that there are some Good Sams out there –thanks, guys. Net: And thank U for your patience. Keep on truckin’, and remember, everything works out in the end. Hasta la victoria siempre.