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The Minnesota Daily

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Network: CutIt?Never!; BurritoINparadise; EvenondrugsRushisright

>CutItNow, have you ever even seen an uncircumcised penis? The chance you would have of choking on the foreskin is about the chance of you slipping during a certain act and getting the whole thing, plus sack, into your mouth. Net: But then, you haven’t seen the mouth on CutItNow. My second issue is that stupid “turtleneck” vs. “Crew cut” thing. Yes, I know the cultural reference. But the metaphor sucks! Shouldn’t it be “crew cut” vs. “mullet” or maybe “turtleneck” vs. “wife-beater?” Net: As you all know, we don’t support the term “wife beater” to describe A-shirts/tank tops. However, in this context, it would be pretty funny. But really, I imagine worse intent. I’ve read my bible. I remember the story about the dudes. You know, the one dudes screwed the other dudes’ sister, so the dudes whose sister got screwed declared war on the other dudes. They won the war, but they spared the other dudes lives on the agreement that those dudes would get circumcised. And then, when those dudes were sitting around, grabbing their “hands” in pain, the other dudes were like, naw, they screwed our sister. A little circumcision ain’t gonna fix that. So, amidst a bit of them saying “hold me back” and other stuff, they went in and slaughtered the other dudes. Net: So your argument against circumcision is based on biblical literalism? Now I haven’t read the bible in a long time, so if I’m a little off on the story, forgive me. But the main story is somewhere in there. They circumcised ’em, let them groan and moan for a while, and then went in for the kill. No way am I going to let that happen to me. No, Sir! On another topic, I thought that editor’s note in Dr. Date today (Nov. 29) was pretty damn funny. I have personally come to the conclusion that Dr. Date’s a gay guy. Gay guys and girls give very different, but very similar, dating advice. And, of course, the top ten lists are neither funny nor helpful. I think they try to straddle something in-between. Net: Your mom tries to straddle something inbetween. Nietzsche says, “What is done out of love happens beyond good and evil.” Remember that.

From BurritoINparadise

Hey CutItNow, how about you CutTheNUTT? I am sorry that you feel the urge to determine who you fool around with based not by what is in his heart, but what he wears upon his head. Kudos to you! Although I had no choice in the matter, the thought of severing off millions of wonderful nerve endings that provide so much joy makes me cower in fear. Grow up! And since you assume that all uncircumcised peni have a problem with smegma, I think that it is only fair for me to assume that your labia minora bears a striking similarity to a turkey’s wattle. Happy belated Thanksgiving! I am sure you could feed us all. Peace, Net, I’m out! Net: Just when we thought the tone of this discourse couldn’t get any more debased.

From EvenondrugsRushisright

This flagrant Republican bashing has gone on long enough. I was fine when it was just making fun of my dear Campus Republicans, but when Mordred played the Rush is on drugs card, I drew the line. You don’t see me running around shouting Chappaquiddick whenever Ted Kennedy sobers up long enough to get up off of whatever bar stool he happens to be perched on and actually do his job do ya? Net: Republicans have been doing that for 30 years. You’d be the first not to do so. To me all this Republican hatred is misplaced. It’s not our fault you liberals out there live in boxes, cant afford SUV’s, and flip our burgers when we go into a restaurant. Don’t hate us because our parents actually have jobs, pay taxes and support your lazy welfare moochin’ butts. Maybe instead of throwing angry diatribes across the aisle you should throw angry diatribes in the mirror, that is if you can afford one. Net: Working people pay a lot more taxes than Republican loafers.

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