A&E’s arbitrary awards

Remember âÄúThe Guinness Book of World Records ?âÄù Scanning its pages for the worldâÄôs farthest eyeball popper and in the meantime catching a glimpse of the worldâÄôs largest rocking horse, the tallest dog alive and the oldest male stripper is possibly the quickest way to remind yourself exactly how hopelessly weird the world is. But if you canâÄôt get your hands on that holographic composite of superlatives, A&E will satisfy your jonesinâÄô for extremes with our arbitrary awards. Celebrity who relied the most on the wisdom obtained from psychedelic drugs and sunny beaches, at least according to his cinematic biography: Jim Morrison Popular image that Lisa Frank most ruined: The dolphin Inconvenience of college life most likely to ruin friendships: Lack of dishwasher Most underrated type of wine: Plum Best TV pundit to party with: Stephen Colbert TV pundit no one wants to party with: Lou Dobbs Product that most decreases in pleasant scent with an increase in price: Shampoo Best decorative use of gold lions: Sigma Alpha Epsilon fraternity Oddest TV representation of an eating disorder: Sabrina the Teenage WitchâÄôs battle between magical weight-loss shakes and pound-adding cameras Most vaguely mediocre bar and grill: ApplebeeâÄôs Best parents in the world: Mine. Best use of Photoshop and styling to create the impression of a very turbulent childhood: The âÄúUs WeeklyâÄù cover story on Leighton Meester Best use of sappy sentimental Facebook bumper stickers: Sorority girls Most loathed corporation: Comcast Childhood TV show that had by far the most sexual innuendo: âÄúRoccoâÄôs Modern LifeâÄù Biggest D-bag: Dane Cook Best shade of yellow wall paint: Bicycle yellow Weirdest moment in a TV commercial: When the cat in the Sarah M cLachlan-starring animal awareness ad raises its paw toward the heavens during a particularly touching moment of âÄúArms of an Angel.âÄù