>From CLAer

Hello Net. I have a few questions for you. Why are the ITers so mad at us poor CLAers? Are they still upset that we picked them last for kickball all those years ago? Net: That would really only apply to the speech/comm. majors. Are they still angry that we didn’t invite them to our parties in high school? Net: Now you’re getting warmer. But weren’t most of the really hard-to-get-into parties hosted by future CSOMers? Perhaps they are frustrated that their supermodel girlfriends from the net are strangely never able to meet them in person. All I can say is “We’re sorry!” Please tell us what we can do to earn your respect that we so desire. Should we trade in our pink polo shirts for vintage t-shirts depicting characters from Monty Python’s Quest for the Holy Grail? Would you like us to throw away our MP3 players and replace them with brand new D and D 10-sided dice? Maybe you would like us to swap our Cosmopolitan girlfriends and GQ boyfriends for Lara Croft on pause and a couple of stiff socks. Net: Ooo, that’s gotta sting, ITers. Please ITers, help us to see beyond the fog of our stupidity. Deliver us from our chaulk-ridden goofyland of colors and rainbows! Like the brave Frodo lead us on a quest for knowledge. Help us to rise to your level so that we don’t end up your burger-flipping servants! Teach us all that you can but speak slow and use small words because we might not understand. Net: They did not understand you/ They did not know how/ Perhaps they’ll listen nowÖ

From VoiceOfReason

Clearly, I am the real VOR. I am ten times as cocky as the other one. Net: You’re so vain/ You prob’ly think this column’s about you. But, I suspect, this falls under the Tick vs. Tick sort of rule. We must fight an epic battle, laying waste to everything around us. The winner remains VOR, the loser becomes just some guy named Barry, or something like that. Generally, though, I wouldn’t mind if I had a ghost writer, but please, let it be someone smarter (The battle begins). Net: One tin soldier rides away.

From Voice_of_Treason

Hey net, you know with all this stuff flying around between the east bank/ west bank colleges, and institutes, i just needed to remind everyone that there is a college above even your knowledge of schools. Thats right, im talking about COAFES. The College of Aggrictultural Food and Environmental Sciences. We are so superior to you that the “of” in our name even gets a letter in the acronym. Net: Because otherwise people would call the college office and try to order orange mocha frappuccinos to go. Take that IT and CLA… only people that rival us are CSOM. But we still traunce them. Net: But you can’t trounce CLA at spelling. I mean, we have our own secret hideaway that no one knows about. Everyone knows where they are, but no one could ever find us, even if they hopped on a campus connector. One last thing, what the heck is the M.O.C?? i musta missed his intro when paging through the Daily last year. Peace. Net: So, you’re a sophomore? OK, sophomores and freshlings, the M.O.C. is the Ministry of Concurrence. The Ministry’s function is to concur with Network.

From TenaciousDRocks

Hey Network. After reading the entries over the past couple of days I have a question for the almighty Network. If the CLA students occupy all the jobs at fast food restaurants, where are the IT students going to work when their jobs get outsourced? Net: Not Victoria’s Secret, much as they are avid followers of the product line.