Scientists assert fears of increasing global temperatures, raising sea levels and unprecedented CO2 concentrations, but I – universitas discupulus – have found myself on the verge of an inner meltdown perpetuated by a confliction of time and space. For those who remain unconvinced that scientific evidence demonstrates the damaging impact of ecological feedback loops, I offer an a posteriori account about the inconvenient truth of an inconvenient youth in trying to stay ahead in college.
I have depleted my energy resources, clouded my head with thoughts of note cards and study guides and flooded my body with coffee – it seems that it’s always this time of the year when my personal positive feedback loop kicks into full swing.
I’ve relinquished my free-time for the low priorities on my “to-do” list, such as cleaning, calling home and getting keys made. The explanation is unclear because there’s nothing more reinvigorating than walking into a clean apartment, a key that actually opens the door or the sound of mom’s voice and support.
“Just clean up after yourself. That way, you won’t have to spend time doing it later,” my mom advises. If moms only knew how this time of the school year muddles a student’s psyche like volcanic soot prevents sunlight from reaching the ground.
Groceries? I haven’t the time. As pleasing as it would be to prepare coq au vin, or even a salad for dinner, I feast on prepackaged sushi between group projects and studying for finals.
Daydreams? I haven’t the time. The moment I start thinking about scuba diving in the Cayman Islands or what Robert DeNiro had for dinner last night, I must return to quizzing myself for a test tomorrow, or trying to remember if I have three or four papers due next week.
The sum and substance of what has become the most stale and banal Facebook profile quote by Tom Petty has attempted to replace my feedback loop with another. “You have four years to be irresponsible here. Relax. Work is for people with jobs. You’ll never remember class time, but you’ll remember time you wasted hanging out with your friends. So, stay out late. Go out on a Tuesday with your friends when you have a paper due Wednesday. Spend money you don’t have. Drink till sunrise. The work never ends, but college does.”
Oh, how I have loathed the many profiles that have subjected me to such a brazen reflection of irresponsibility and hedonism. I’d counter with a quote professor Ken Doyle put on the front of his syllabus for Intro to Mass Communications, “Teaching is the only business in which the customers do their very best not to get their money’s worth,” but I fear academic competition would boom.
The difficulty in effective time management is that habits are mutually reinforcing, and old habits die hard. Just as the notion of having a natural talent in music is merely a euphemism for having an abundance of time to practice every day, grocery shopping, daydreaming and cleaning are only for those who can find time. When the choice is either to spend your time preparing for an exam that will impact your permanent college record, or go grocery shopping, it’s easy to suspend the latter. Time management is even more difficult if you’re the type who abides by Pettyism, for a drinking problem is now in the equation.
In my case, an empty food cupboard and a desk full of books proves to be ineffectual over the long haul, anyway. Even when I study alone, the peculiar noises coming from my stomach prevent me from finishing a complete sentence, or getting sidetracked in search of the perfect metaphor that incorporates food.
The season’s first snowfall nearly culminated in the mental meltdown my feedback loop prepared me for so well. Having spent all morning with my shades drawn, while I arduously polished a grad school application before the 3 o’clock deadline, I stepped outside and realized that what I expected to be a 10-minute drive to FedEx would now take at least a half-hour – and that didn’t include the time it’d take to shovel around the barricade and find someone to jump my battery.
The thought of contacting the admissions’ office and explaining the situation was quickly dismissed when I anticipated their response: You couldn’t have mailed it earlier?
Saturday’s experience is the straw that broke the camel’s back. I’m a new man. I’ll go grocery shopping so I can study effectively, get a good night’s sleep and not have to rush from one thing to the next.
I just hope the glaciers don’t melt before my new habits come to fruition.
Jake Perron welcomes comments at [email protected].
