Net: With winter’s chill invading our air, what could be a better time to think of …
SPRING BREAK!!!
From Carrie Buchen: I just wanted to issue a warning about a spring break travel agency. On Monday they had an ad in the employment section of the Daily.
Surf and Sun tours are the devil in disguise. Net: Note to all readers and/or attorneys who may be reading this letter — please remember that these statements are the opinions of their authors, and in no way reflect the endorsement or disdain of The Minnesota Daily. That said, let ‘er rip. Some friends and I bought a travel package to Cancun last year, and it was the biggest mistake. They overcharged two of our credit cards, left people stranded in Cancun for days Net: Must’ve been rough, disconnected their customer service line, etc.
Our flight for Cancun left at 2 a.m. on a Monday morning; we were originally supposed to leave at 2 p.m. on a Sunday afternoon. When we got to Cancun the students they had stranded there were still in our hotel room. Net: Were they cute?
I just wanted students to avoid this agency so they don’t go through the crap we did. Too many spring break agencies think they can screw over students because many of us don’t take the time to look into their backgrounds. Just be careful and look into exactly what kind of agency you are getting involved with. Net: Especially if the acronym spells C-I-A. But that’s a different topic altogether. Avoid Surf and Sun! Net: Not a difficult thing to do in Minnesota. Beware …
OUR GIRLS WANT TO PARTY ALL THE TIME
(Net: Free public recognition to the first person to write in correctly identifying the artist who recorded the song that inspired the preceding headline.)
From Leif Nelson: I want to personally thank Party Diva for setting everyone straight on the fraternity party issue once and for all — bravo! After attending a few “frat boy” parties it is nice that someone else sees eye to eye with me when it comes to “real” partying.
Those Sunday morning, post-frat party hangovers are nothing compared to the “real” party experience of being shuffled off to the ER Saturday night after a little too much Meth. Net: Make new friends in the medical profession! Worshipping the porcelain god at a frat party is child’s play when you think of the intense fun inherent in having your heart explode on cocaine! Net: Just ask John Belushi.
And I cannot understand why anyone would want to wake up next to some stranger and get the 10 a.m. boot after a frat party when they could have many disturbing and self-degrading sexual experiences, with countless random partners, after losing all sense of reality tripping on ecstasy! Wow, with all the fun you can have frying your cranium with dangerous hard drugs at a “real” party, why would anyone want to hang out at a fraternity party? Net: Cheap friends? Maybe not. Let’s find out …
From Seize the Day and Throttle It to Kevin J. Mork: Do you not realize that people like you are the reason that most of us don’t join the greek system? Yippee — you spent $1,500 bucks this quarter for a houseful of arrogant alpha male friends who someday down the road will ask you to lend them money, let them move in with you or let them sleep with your sister just because you’re “brothers.” Net: Psst … gentle reminder: We suspect Kevin J. was writing his letter with a tone of facetiousness, Seize the Day. We’re Network, remember? That said — flame on!
Get a clue! Net: OK — that’s the spirit. But we hope you don’t mind if we have some fun here. We’re going to count off the number of stereotypes you can fit into the rest of this letter, ‘K? The “randoms,” as you like to call them, are just freshmen who would be bothering me at my parties Net: One … if I was stupid enough to let everyone on campus know about my parties. The sororities that you’re constantly trying to nail are just spoiled little girls who couldn’t deal with the fact that high school was over so they created their own little society Net: Two …, and you and all you stand for is everything that I hated in high school Net: Three …, everything that I’ve hated in the last five years and everything that I’ll laugh at in 10 years when you’re working in the mill and I see you crying in your beer. Net: Four … And just so you know, Big Kev or whatever they call you around your house, Net: Five … thanks to some happy financial aid checks and the fact that my parents love me I could’ve joined a frat long ago. I didn’t because I have a life. Net: Hey — we’re in a public recognition sort of mood today, and we’ve got an idea. We would like to announce the first-ever
NETWORK FRAT STEREOTYPE CONTEST
Net: Since you’ve entertained us with your shallow, misinformed opinions on fraternities for several years, we’d like to hold a contest to see who can get the most fraternity/sorority stereotypes into one letter. You got it — the big hair, the A&F, the checks from Mom and Dad — see how much you can get in one letter!
Here’s how it will work. Simply write Network a letter jamming in as many stereotypes about fraternities and sororities as possible and send it in! Please write in the form of a flame or defense letter. We’ll have two categories — positive stereotypes and negative stereotypes (after all, there are also letters about benefits of sisterhood, networking, lifelong friendships, etc.). Send in your entry by Sunday at noon — winners will be printed in Monday’s Network. There might even be a six-pack of Miller in it for ya.
So write in! NITWIT looks forward to judging. And, in the words of the immortal Che, “Hasta La Victoria Siempre!”
