Maybe this book is supposed to be a clever way to approach the failure-riddled world of dating. Maybe we’re supposed to laugh at the stories about booty calls and friends with benefits.
This book claims to help women find decent men to date. Unfortunately, it’ll probably make some women want to eschew the male sex and curl up with a box of chocolates and a vibrator.
Like “He’s Just Not That Into You,” Ian Kerner’s “Be Honest: You’re Not That Into Him Either” is another tired retelling of the age-old story that men are jerks and women shouldn’t put up with them.
Kerner says women have begun to operate on the same level as men when it comes to dating ” meaning they now think only about sex and not about potential relationships. He argues women have lowered their standards and that all men are jerks. Way to go, man, way to go.
This book does nothing to dissolve the “men are from Mars, women are from Venus” dating deadlock. Books like this, written with this mind-set, only increase the socially constructed stratification between how men and women approach dating and relationships, love and sex.
It’s an insult to women’s intelligence when “self-help” books tell us to “stop lowering (our) standards and start reaching for love!” This book is supposed to give us insight to the male brain and how it functions in relationships, but it’s filled with male-bashing, girl-power innuendo. But only a powerless “girl” would base her relationships on this book.
Kerner must have been prepared for critics like me. He’s included fictional multiple choice situations for the reader to pick which option the female character should pursue. One choice is “Write a long-winded complaint to the author of this book, suggesting that his quiz is predicated on generalities and is mildly patronizing to women.”
Yes and yes.
This book has to be based on generalities and stereotypes. It’s no fun if Kerner acknowledges there are people who don’t favor the “sex-sex-sex-what’s-love?” method.
And yes, a man who believes a degree makes him the all-knowing guru on women will, whether purposeful or not, patronize. He obviously knows better than I do how I think about men. I guess I’ll be happy only if I dissect every man according to his guidelines.
The book tries too hard and fails at emulating the format of “He’s Just Not That Into You,” by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo. It tries ” and fails ” to copy the carefree attitudes of pop culture phenoms “Sex and the City” and “Friends.”
Love rarely is discussed in Kerner’s book. The main focus is sex ” and lots of it. The “Casual Sex Glossary of Terms” includes the now-popular “fuck buddy” and “booty call” listings. Kerner seems to blame the sexual empowerment of women for the societal emphasis on one-night stands and the rise in popularity of casual sex.
I’m a 20-year-old college student, but I’m fairly confident in my ability to date and develop relationships without the advice of Kerner or his oh-so-witty counterparts.
So save the $20 for a special occasion ” like a date with a man who respects you.
