Speaking of hockey, we would like to voice our extreme displeasure with Don Lucia’s new haircut. Where did the mullet go? How can his team still respect him?
We’ll cut the comments short today, for we have many a letter to print.
From SuperMeGaDonKEyPuNCh:
Just for you, Net!
Ode to a Hockey Player or “Mullet Ecstasy”
Your smell of sweat
Makes me wet
Your long flowing hair
As you fly through the air
And crash into the crowd
Your thrice-broken nose
Your unwashed clothes
In your drunken drawl
You declare to all
You play hockey and you’re damn proud
Unnecessary violence doesn’t exist
Every problem ought to be solved with a fist
I get turned on when you grunt like a pig
I couldn’t believe that your stick was THAT big
And although some may call you cocky
You work that puck
And sure can NUT
Which is why I raise my beer
And call out a cheer
For all those studs who play hockey

By the way, for any of you beefy guys out there that play hockey, I’m single. Ask Net for my e-mail. Net: Dang, we’re becoming quite the message service

From LessAlcoholicaMoreMetallica: Hey Net, how’s it going today? I’m a fourth-year student here, but have kept quiet all of these years. But now I have a couple of beefs with the U. First, why is it that us hockey season ticket holders don’t get tickets to this first game at the Xcel Energy Center? Are they afraid of all of us college types tearing the new building down or what? Personally, I think that its a conspiracy by Udof, the city of St. Paul, and that damn Nate Melcher. Second, why don’t we have some real hockey cheerleaders? These so called “cheerleaders” are a poor imitation, at best. And third, Coffman Sucks. Period. Long live KIng T and Metallica!

From Zamboni: In light of your request for haikus and hockey in Friday’s Net, I would like to take this opportunity to express my unending carnal desire for a certain beautiful boy in my life:

Whenever I see
Him I want to jump on him
Play tonsil HOCKEY

Post tonsil HOCKEY
will lead to another kind
of HOCKEYÁ coitus

This version involves
Getting the stick in the goal
In order to score

But one must keep the
stick in the goal long enough
to feel the rapture

Pretty lame, I know … but at least it’s spicier than most of the stuff you got going on here! I am also sexually attracted to my friend’s Doberman …
Thank you for your time and have a great day!

From PWAR: Hey der Net. It’s dat time of year again, dat’s right. Time for pucks. Hockey. I know what yer all sayin’, “Dat filty Canuck, he don’t know what he’s talkin’ ‘boot.” Well, I do. And I know dat you’re all tinkin’ “ey, we got da Wild ‘ere now, so we git ta watch dem win from da start.” Well, I figger you got a point dere. But dis year is da year of da Toronto Maple Leafs for one reason and one reason only. De know how to skate. Nobody else in da league can skate like da Leafs, boy lemmie tell ya. Net: Yes, we know, he only said ‘hockey’ once

From Lactic.Acid: Yellow, Net! First, Hockey goal period fight, hockey hockey stick puckers! Don’t forget score hockey, beer an another fight hockey puck. Net: Hmm Second, Scooters blow ass, and we should all do our part for the community of the U and body-check/punch/hi-stick/clothesline/laugh at all scooter riders. Third, Squirrels rule the campus. Fourth, Huey Lewis does not play music well. Nor does Meatloaf. Creed is good, as is Dave Matthews and Bjork. Fifth, the Green Bay Packers do not play football well. Sixth, Obscure Reference Boy in my night class, shut the NUT up! You are ANNOYING. Lastly, hockey, hockey, and Net is good.

From PrincessLea: It’s about damn time that someone at this school realized that HOCKEY rules, even if its Network. HOCKEY is the best sport this school has, women’s and men’s (okay I had to mention womens but we all know the men are what we want to watch). I love watching HOCKEY, HOCKEY Players, I also like friends of HOCKEY players, I like Don Lucia’s mullet (why did he cut it off???), I could go on all day about HOCKEY … but unfortunatley, Mariucci arena sucks. Not the actual arena of course, but the atmosphere. Now, the students at SCSU, hickish rubes that they are, know how to party. They get drunk before the game, yell and chant obscenities at the opposing team all night long, have an all around good time. That is what college sports should be like. Not old people or corporate a##@holes sitting on their asses, we need more students. Hear that, Pat Forceia???? Why can’t us poor students walk up to Mariucci the night of a game and buy a ticket, rather than forking over $115 or $230 for the entire season? For Christsakes, all my money is going to the renovation of Coffman Union, which, if goes as planned, will be open for use by my grandchildren. Go to any other college hockey arena, and it will rock. Mariucci is worse than sitting through lecture behind Old Nodder. We need to figure out a way to fix this … Goldy have any ideas? he seems pretty loaded up before the games, maybe all of us students should agree to meet somewhere before the games to prepare… and for godsakes, lets dump the cheerleaders and think of some good student cheers. the only good one we have is the “Husky Women” cheer for the SCSU Husky fans.
Net: Go local sports team!