Project Runway falls over, stabs self with 8-inch heel

by Jason Zabel

I know it’s been a while since season five Project Runway contestant Leanne Marshall was crowned queen of cable fashion (an honor!), but I just got around to watching how things played out in the final episodes. Yesterday I experienced the finale. For some reason I expected to be on edge–but instead I found myself drooped over in a state of lethargy as the contest fell flat on its heavily reconstructed mug. 

 

Thoughts:

  •  1. Geezus–J. Lo cancels her spot as a guest judge because of a "foot" injury? Isn’t that industry-speak for "Celeb X has a problem with the bottle and unfortunately she’s been taking more nosedives than an endangered African penguin. No chance she’s leaving the manse today." I hate to say such horrible things about J. Lo, because really I don’t care about her enough to say anything horrible–but the finale sucked, and I blame this partly on her foot injury. No celeb judge? Tim Gunn takes her place? We see him every show. Viewers want someone who will liven things up. The producers should have snagged one of the Olsen twins. There are two of them, for god’s sake; one of them should have been available. 
  • 2. No one was excited. Heidi Klum announced the winner with about as much excitement as Drew Carey brings to the "Price is Right." Even Tim Gunn—whose finale face usually looks something like a depressed, crying Roma tomato about to be shipped off to the saucery—seemed satisfied to see the season end. He barely even cried when things were over. And winner Leanne never emoted the way last year’s winner Christian did. Not to mention he made the word "fierce" fierce. Did anyone achieve something like that this year? No!
  • 3. That said, I’m glad Leanne won. I liked Korto’s down-to-earth personality and inspirational backstory—and her clothes were fine and dandy, some even striking—but in the end Leanne’s collection stood out as something that was cohesive and original. I also liked Kenley’s clothes–but her cocky/bubbly/bitchy split-personality made me too nervous to root for her. Plus she challenged the judges, made Tim Gunn seem ridiculous on more than one frenzied occasion, and then she explained her actions by blaming her past—by explaining that she was tough only because she’s always had to fight for herself. Boohoo. And if that crazy-looking flying shit she wore on her head at the finale was any indication of her self-respect level, then it appears that she has less reverence for her image than an exposed, open-legged, Britney-fied Chris Crocker. Kenley’s headdress made her look like she was in an animated Looney Tunes character, and some silly wabbit has just struck her down with an anvil, splitting her skull open and freeing fast-moving canaries that fly dizzying circles around her smitten head.

That’s all folks!