Al Gore endorses ‘Sales’ Belton

by Karmen Sutra

Mayor Sharon Sayles Belton called in the support of one heavy- weight Democrat to secure her victory for the upcoming mayoral race.

Former Vice President Al “I’m hairy” Gore came to Minneapolis to speak in support of Belton at a breakfast exclusively for large contributors and political brown-nosers.

Liberal McSpendalot said she contributed $5,000 just so she could meet the tubby politician.

McSpendalot said she has never heard of Sayles Belton, but she’ll vote for her anyway.

“Gore is supporting her and he’s smarter than our president, so I’ll follow his lead,” she said.

McSpendalot said she’s been a die-hard Democrat since former President Bill Clinton stepped into the arena.

“The way he bites his lower lip when he apologizes is such a turn-on,” she said.

Republicans have never done it for her, however.

“Even talking to them just makes me feel dirty,” McSpendalot said.

In his speech Gore agreed that Republicans are dirty and need to be put in a locked box with all the state’s welfare recipients.

Gore said electing Belton would be a step in the right direction, because she is a loyal Democrat intent on spending all of the city’s money.

“She’s a true Democrat. She wouldn’t switch parties like that asswipe Coleman in St. Paul,” Gore said.

Everybody needs to get out and vote in the primaries, he said, because that determines the choices for the actual election in November.

“I would like to take some votes from the people of Minneapolis and put them in the Mayor Sayles Belton locked box,” Gore said.

The former vice president spoke at length for hours about Belton’s good work and all the locked boxes.

Gore said he was impressed with the low math and reading scores of Minneapolis eighth-graders. He said it’s important to make sure people aren’t smart enough to do their own taxes, in order to preserve the party.

In addition to Belton’s triumph with the school system, Gore said he was also impressed by her generosity in granting the multi-billion-dollar Target Corporation a $62 million subsidy for its new building on Nicollet Mall.

He said that giving money to the less fortunate is a compassionate gesture.

“I give money to the less fortunate as a compassionate gesture,” he said.

Gore said that in return for his donation he received a thank-you letter and commemorative coin depicting the former commander in chief pleading his innocence.