Dear Dr Dat…




Dear Dr Date,
I was reading an old Daily when I came across your response to the dateless freshman — excellent response. I too am relationshipless in life at the grand age of 20 with not many more dates then this poor young lad has had.
Alrighty … thank God for anonymity … Here’s the scoop on my chronic single status. I had a breast reduction at 16 … quite foolish of a decision I know, but I was young and filled with body-loathing. There was a whole load of complications so I’m left looking admittedly a bit like Frankenstein. I could also probably stand to lose 10-20 pounds, but I do exercise daily. Aside from those obviously unattractive attributes, I’m healthy, active and have been told I have a pretty face. People always tell me I’m nice, cheerful and intelligent.
In the past I’ve gone on a few dates with a guy, but then the intimacy begins and I’m gone. How do I explain what he’s obviously going to notice? When is it appropriate to share such private information? Is it better to say nothing and shock the poor guy? … or by giving him ample warning ahead of time am I only going to scare him off? Should I just give up completely on the idea of ever being loved because of a stupid decision I made when I was a teen? I’m lonely, Dr. Date. Now I’m starting to be concerned that my complete lack of experience (never even been kissed) in itself is going to be a hurdle in finding love. Are there any guys left out there that are willing to look past the physical and into a person’s heart? Please help…
— Completely Alienated.

Thanks for the letter, sweetheart. I think all you need is a bit of encouragement. You are funny and smart (I can tell) and, yes, there are many men out there who wouldn’t give a damn about your breasts. You’ve got to give them a chance you know.
I’d bring it up sooner than later and not surprise them. What will scare them isn’t your perceived disformity, but your attitude toward it. You have my curiosity piqued (and not poorly either) so I don’t see why it would drive others away. Everybody has scars. Some deep, some emotional, some dumb, some cool. I’ve got insecurities — I’m stick thin, my jaw is crooked and I have no butt.
Luckily, through searching, I found out there were many wonderful women (and men, incidentally) that either didn’t care because I was smart or funny or confident, or they actually liked my body type. You really have to let people in and take a chance to find this stuff out. It’s the whole you after all and that’s cool.