It can be confusing, with all of the quality scrunchies on the market, to choose the one that’s right for you.
A scrunchie represents your personality, parents’ income and popularity. It can make or break your attempts to get into the coolest clique.
The scrunchie itself is just cloth and elastic but when you put your Clarol-dyed hair through its rings, you bring it to life. Your scrunchie dances and sings as it bobs on top of your hairspray-drenched scalp.
If you are ready to look soooo cute, go ahead and put that pony tail out the back of your Old Navy baseball cap, sister. Fasten the scrunchie and voila! Your hair will stay out of your face even during marathon purging sessions.
If you see other girls without scrunchies, they must be from towns like Elk River and Anoka. Give them helpful advice on their appearance.
We had two Cosmodailytan staffers, Tiffany and Brittany, test out scrunchies.
They were hesitant to stop their heated discussion on the merits of Tommy Helfleger’s newest line of puffy vests. But they were eager to comply once we told them that all of the other sororities were doing it.
First was an Abercrombie and Fitch scrunchie ($45) in hot pink.
Tiffany: “This A&F hair retention device is just the kind of scrunchie I would wear while watching half-naked men grapple each other in extremely homoerotic ways, just like the A&F ad campaign!”
Brittany: “This feels like it would hold my hair even during strenuous activity, like when I do Ty Bo, use the stairmaster at the Rec or get DP’d by the guys over at the Busta Kappa house.”
Next, we took a look at the “French Designer LeScrunchie” from Express ($78).
Tiffany: “Ooooh it’s FRENCH. I think I saw Buffy wear that last week.”
Brittany: “Mphagggmmm!” (At this point Brittany, suffering from severe malnutrition, lost her senses and stuffed the scrunchie into her mouth but left quickly to vomit.)
The last scrunchie was the bejewled “Mother of All Scrunchies” ($30,000) from the Double Secret Gap, which is more exclusive and expensive than the normal Gap. This scrunchie weighs over 50 pounds and is encrusted with diamonds, rubies and the bones of small Malaysian children.
Tiffany: “I hope there’s enough money in my trust fund for this. I have to get it before the girls down at I Putta Outta start wearing them.”
Brittany: “So hungry. So very hungry.”
After break we’ll have Tiffany and Brittany give us their thoughts on bar pants.