STATE COLLEGE, Penn. (U-Wire) —Many Americans support the idea that, as one roadside billboard so eloquently put it, “Pornography Hurts Us All.” Speak for yourself! I’m a firm believer in the notion that pornography helps us all.
Some people might call me a porn aficionado. Whether it’s a magazine, book, movie or even a deck of cards — where it appears is of little concern to me. When it comes to pornography, I consider myself quite the Renaissance man. Now, don’t get confused, people — I’m not down with those freaky, tie-a-girl-to-the-toilet-seat kind of movies. I refuse to support adult films involving violence, animals or old people. However, there is a plethora of “healthy” porn to be had in this country … porn that can do some good.
I know there are numerous couples out there willing to attest to the therapeutic powers of sexy magazines and adult films. Now, some people will say, “Adam, don’t you realize that these movies are demeaning to women? You’re such a perverted, sexist pig!”
Wait just a minute there, young lady! How dare you call me sexist? I support the porn industry, an industry where the top female stars make more than five times what their male counterparts make. How am I sexist?
As for the idea that these movies are “demeaning” to women, last time I checked, the men were just as naked as the women! Nobody ever forced me to star in an adult film that I didn’t want to be in.
I practically had to get down on my hands and knees and beg the director for my first “big” part in a XXX feature. And even though “Skinny Man and Chunky Cheerleaders” wasn’t a major hit at the box office, I have no regrets about my brief career in the industry. I gave my lifelong dream a shot and my performance just wasn’t up to par. Or maybe the world just wasn’t prepared to take me seriously as an adult film star after the pit bull attack I suffered as a youth. I always knew that I had college to fall back on.
It is unfortunate that we live in a country where graphic violence in films is the norm and sexuality is still taboo. You can kill 69 people in the jungle with a machine gun and still manage to get a PG-13 rating, but if you show the audience a woman’s exposed breasts, then you are staring at an R rating.
The fact of the matter is this: “Beach Babes from Beyond” never inspired a woman to run into her workplace or a public school and suffocate students with her voluptuous melons.
As silly as it may seem, in America we still believe that a nipple is more dangerous than a gun! Why else do lingerie catalogs offer us images of women in dental floss-size sheer underwear without nipples? They claim to airbrush out the nipples because they are said to be distracting to the customer.
Distracting? It’s not like the nipples would jump off the page and hit you in the face! Everybody has a pair.
Let’s be honest with ourselves. The equation works like this. Lingerie + beautiful women = Victoria’s Secret. However, lingerie + beautiful women + the dreaded nipples = pornography. Why does the absence of nipples allow a picture to maintain its decency?
I’m not in favor of censorship. I like music with profanity, movies with violence and magazines with beautiful women in the buff. It just seems to me that in the wake of all the tragic violence in our country’s public schools, we might want to rethink our uptight attitudes about sex and nudity.
Just because my brother owns a copy of “Porn on the 4th of July” (a touching adult film about a war veteran’s personal struggles with his disability and a camouflage fetish), it doesn’t make him a bad person. And neither does his subscription to Gummy Grannies (a magazine which proves once and for all that senior citizens can still be sexy).
If you’ve ever watched an adult film with a group of other people, most of your time was probably spent laughing at the dialogue or making humorous remarks about the guy’s facial expressions.
Heck, most XXX movies are hilarious. Throw an old porno in the VCR during a boring party and watch everybody start to laugh and have a good time. Everybody wants to sneak a peek of the flick when a group is around, because it’s the only time you don’t feel guilty or perverted about watching people have sex.
Truth be told, most everybody is somewhat curious about adult magazines and films. Unfortunately, many religious and political leaders try their hardest to make us feel dirty for wanting to get our hands on them. Maybe they’re bitter because their own sex lives have stalled (haven’t they heard of Viagra?).
Regardless, don’t let them rain on your parade. Never be timid and never be ashamed: Go and get yourself some porn this very minute. You’ll thank yourself in the morning.
Adam Russelburg’s column originally appeared in Friday’s Pennsylvania State University paper, the Daily Collegian.