Dr. Date: Left Empty, Sad, Broken and Odious; Joe Smith (Not real name)

>Dr. Date,

My girlfriend of over 3 years just left me because she says she’s discovered that she’s a lesbian. I’m hurt and lost. What do I do now?

Sincerely,

Left Empty, Sad, Broken and Odious

Dear Left Empty, Sad, Broken and Odious,

I think first of all you should realize that your girlfriend’s decision has nothing to do with you. You should not take it personally. It’s probably hard to believe this after three years with her, but you have to be accepting of her decision.

Telling you of her sexual orientation was probably the hardest part of coming out of the closet for her. I’m sure she spent hours stressing over it and deciding the best way to tell you.

Although there’s really no way to minimize the hurt you’re feeling now, I’m sure she still loves you as a friend and would appreciate your support.

You should not be afraid to get involved in a new relationship just because one has not worked out like you had hoped. You can probably still remain close friends with your ex-girlfriend, and maybe she can even give you more advice on your love life than I ever can.

But be sure you’re ready for a new relationship. Her reasons for breaking up with you might not be your fault, but your heart is broken none the less.

My advice: Support your ex-girlfriend and open yourself up to new relationships. It’s not your fault.

Dr. Date

Hello Dr. Date,

Could you please help me locate a girlfriend? I am a gentleman looking for a relationship, but I can not somehow find an open-minded lady to engage in conversations and start a relationship with. I am a junior here at the U. I like finer things in life, value friends and family, I am easy-going and adventrous, but SHY. I want someone to be part of my life experience and be in their life as well. Please help!

Thanks,

Joe Smith (Not real name)

Dear Joe Smith (Not real name),

Concerns such as yours are common for undergraduates here at the University. With all our time devoted to studying hard and working to pay our bills, few undergrads have time to be scouting for girls.

So, for the benefit of all my readers, here are the top 10 ways to pick up girls at the University:

10) Go gray, baby. See all those athletes with their gray Gophers sweatpants? Everybody will think you’re an athlete, and man, will the sorority chicks dig you.

9) Be a photographer at the Daily. That way, you can convince girls to take off their clothes for the camera, and they’ll think you’re “artsy.”

8) Because you don’t have a lady, you obviously don’t have the equipment. Head to the rec center and work on those pipes, punk.

7) Girls love the hair. Just think, in a few short months anyone can look just like Michael Bauer or Randy Moss. And EVERYBODY loves Bauer. Wait, isn’t he playing overseas now?

6) Go for the sweet tooth. Girls are suckers for candy, so grab some Skittles, fill your hands and go a knockin’ in the freshman dorms. Problem solved.

5) By now, everybody hates UDS. So spice up an average night for one lucky lady who happens to be eating alone. On your return visit for ice cream, grab a second helping. Ahh, how sweet it is.

4) Get a wingman. That way, with a little help, your temptress can be disgusted by his schmuckish fratboy moves, and you’re in like Clark Kent to save the day.

3) Claim to be a hockey player. They always wear helmets and nobody really knows what they look like anyway. Most of them are pretty frightening looking, and they still get chicks.

2) Get a job with the campus security officers escorting damsels to their homes. You’ll be seen as the knight in shining armor – and they’re probably loaded.

1) Try out to be Goldy Gopher. All the girls want to touch his fur.

All in all, it sounds like you’re a pretty shy guy and you’re looking for someone with whom you can have compelling conversations. So be open-minded, overcome your shyness and show those University ladies what you’re made of.

Dr. Date

Need relationship advice? E-mail Dr. Date at [email protected]