You’re a college student, sitting in front of your computer, reading and/or writing a Minnesota Daily A&E blog. Chances are, you don’t have what it takes to be this guy.

We can’t all do it up big willy style, as some U students are doing, but that doesn’t mean you can’t join in on the pageantry with your own little time-sensitive twist and all with items you can find around your house/dorm/apartment/parent’s basement : (

Here’s a couple ideas, straight from the mouth of a total babe, to get you started on procrastinating for when the time is right:

Shirley Manson, singer of “Garbage”
– “Garbage” lyrics knowledge/print outs
– tank top
– literal garbage
Don’t have the mod-revival clothes Manson was bumpin when Garbage came out with their debut 1995 album, nor her punkish interpretation of the “Rachel” haircut? No problem! Step into your kitchen or bedroom (bathroom garbages not recommended) and start peeling out some detritus from the waste bin. Get a tank top, some staples or tape, and go to town. That math assignment you crumpled up? Slap that sucker on your shoulder. Ramen wrappers and balls of tinfoil are showy items that can go on the front of your body. The clincher will be your ability to speak in Garbage lyrics for the rest of the night. Somebody hitting on you? Turn ’em down with “You can look but you can’t touch. I don’t think I like you much.” Someone especially buoyant? Look off into the distance and say in a Daria-esque drawl, “I’m only happy when it rains.” If you don’t commit to the songstress’s words, forget it. Walking around with garbage all over your body? You would just look like a crazy person; one who perhaps, may just say “I think I’m paranoid.”

Twitter Feed – @shaq my costume 2nite is Shaqalicious #donthate
– t-shirt
– marker, sharpie or fabric pen
All you need for this costume is a t-shirt and a marker. A tall-tee (if you can find one at your nearest walgreens) is preferable, as it will allow you to have the longest feed. Don’t forget to make up a couple icons on your front left sleeve for your followers. You could even go as a twitter you follow, to make the costume the most realistic. Just remember to keep it under 140 characters. Tweet your heart out, haters!

Upside-down man – u?? u?op-?p?sdn
– regular clothes
– good pair of scissors
– good attitude
This costume definitely won’t get you laid – arguably none of these listed will – but it will serve its purpose as a costume. First, grab a shirt, stretch cotton is preferable, and force your nice meaty legs through the sleeves. Be sure to wear underwear. (Not on your head, but your ass – unless you are what people call “butt ugly.” then you can go ahead and slap a pair up top as well). After you’re looking in the mirror and trying to convince yourself this is a good idea, you’re halfway there. Next, cut a nice head-sized hole into the crotch of a pair of pants, if you don’t have one there already, and stick your arms through the legs. shaboom! Your mother would be so proud.

Backwards man – nam sdrawkcaB
– regular clothes
Anyone like me and see “Freddy Got Fingered” five times? All you need to do is put on your clothes, take them off again, and put them back on in the opposite direction they were on before. A shirt with some kind of flourish on the front (back) works best – whether it be buttons, frills, or pockets, etc. Wear looser pants with big back (front) pockets – top it all off with a dance when you make your big debut.

Prince – not that one. Not that one either.
– regular clothes
– english accent
So you’re some prince of an obscure country who is just in town to rebel against his king and queen parents who are, by the way, royal pains in the ass. He wants to fall into local culture and see what it’s like to live as a real boy. Sell it by sipping beer with a dainty and curious technique, practicing impeccable manners, and kissing the hands of all the lovely ‘ladies’ you meet. Make polite and naive conversation like, “a sexy ladybug- I love it!” But of course, you’ll be stripped of your royal status if you don’t find a wife before you turn 21, which is next week! Really, you’ll be going as the plot to a shitty Lifetime movie.

Your ideal self – “I love me, if only for tonight.”
– the clothes you never wear
Have a nice dress, or two or three, in the back of your closet that you never wear? An expensive and bold button down shirt at the bottom of the drawer? Spendy patent leather shoes or classy high-heels that have never seen the light of day? Time to dust off these glaring reminders of your inadequacy and bring them out for a night on the town! Bring out your best self and use Halloween as a test-drive. This way, if someone dumps on your outfit you can remind them it’s just a costume. After narrowly avoiding this attack on your fragile ego, you can move on with your night and proceed in your fearless attempts to get laid. You’ll have people saying “(name here)! You’ve never looked so good!” and this time, they’ll mean it. 

id – GIMME GIMME GIMME
– whatever you want
Freud called the id “the great reservoir of libido,” which sounds like a good enough idea for a costume to me. Hit on everyone you see, go to the bathroom with the door open and rub food all over your face. Do whatever strikes your fancy, because tonight the ego and superego have gone on vacation: it’s time to party! and laugh! and scream! and writhe in ecstasy while speaking in tongues! You’re going to put the H(edonism) in Halloween.