Dr. Date: Lover from a distance; Distraught in Dinkytown; Smiley after Thanksgiving; Not a party girl

>Dr. Date,

I met a guy about six years ago when I was working as a telemarketer. We talk quite a bit and he is from South Carolina. We send each other b-day and Christmas gifts. I have sent him boxers and a Penthouse to name a couple. We have always been flirty, but since there is a huge distance we both know that it would never work. I would love to have a chance to be with him though but he has a girlfriend right now. His girlfriend found out about the gifts (along with a few flirty phone calls) and went nuts. She called me and yelled at me and told me to back away from her man. The thing is, I am so far away and I don’t know why she would have a problem. I worry I will not get to talk to him anymore because of her. Is what I’m doing wrong or is his girlfriend off base?

Lover from a distance

Dear Lover from a distance,

This is an extremely problematic infatuation you have. You’ve never met this guy, you know he has a girlfriend, yet you continue to send him leading messages through care packages.

His girlfriend is not off base at all. You are. You need to stop being so blind and realize that you’re never going to get with this guy. If you haven’t gotten together in six years, what makes you think you ever will? He’s in South Carolina, and you’re in Minnesota. Forget about him.

Find someone new who isn’t attached and will be able to give you more than a phone conversation or a dirty magazine in the mail.

Dr. Date

Hi Dr. Date,

I met a guy two weeks ago who is absolutely amazing. He’s smart, funny, caring – all the top things I look for in the opposite sex.

We started hanging out and having a great time. It’s been a while since I’d met someone I was so instantly attracted to.

Then Thanksgiving break came and we went to our respective houses a few hours from one another. We didn’t talk much because we were both busy with family.

Now we’re back on campus and something’s different. I feel like he’s totally lost all interest in seeing me and I’m starting to feel used. The way we acted towards one another told me it was more than a passing thing, so why is he being this way? Did he realize we were moving too fast too soon? Maybe the stress of finals is getting to him? Regardless, should I try to get to the bottom of this, or stop calling and put the ball in his court?

Distraught in Dinkytown

Dear Distraught in Dinkytown,

I think if you let this stew any longer, you’re only going to hurt yourself in the end.

Go up to him and just ask where you stand. Ask him if he felt as though this was a fleeting romance or if he thinks something more can come of it.

Don’t be afraid to let him know how you feel. Do you want this to go somewhere, or are you comfortable with your relationship staying a friendship?

If you’re OK maintaining just a friendship, make sure you let him know when you spill your guts about your feelings.

If he knows that you’re willing to let the chance of a relationship go to just be friends, then he’s less likely to get scared and rush away.

Dr. Date

Dear Dr. Date

I recently broke up with a long term boyfriend. We had been going out for over four and half years but decided we needed to grow separately for a while. We are still very good friends and both of us can still see us getting married.

My problem comes in because we are both still really horny. We hadn’t seen each other in four weeks, but we still talked at least every other day. But this past weekend he brought me back to school from our hometown and we happened to have sex a few times.

I am totally OK with this and he is too, but we are very open with each other and I told him that if it did bother either of us afterward, we shouldn’t do it again.

As much as we may want to get back together, I said that we both have to date other people for a while, just so we really know that what we have is completely real.

Now my question to you Ö are we f*** buddies or having more of an open relationship?

Smiley after Thanksgiving

Dear Smiley after Thanksgiving,

It’s good that you are being completely open and honest with each other, but are you really being honest with yourselves?

Have you taken into account the fact that you both feel as though you’ll get married one day and all you’re really doing is screwing around with other people?

Do you really feel as though you can get a grasp of what a new relationship with someone else might be like if you’re still messing around with the guy you think you might spend the rest of your life with?

Are you being fair to those other guys that you go out with? Are you being fair to yourself?

You need to either take a break from your old flame completely or not at all. Because right now, all you’re really doing is cheating yourself out of some really great things.

It seems like you had a great relationship with this guy and you ended it to test the waters with some other fish. You need to either end it completely or go back to him. You can’t give another guy your full attention to see if something’s there if you’re not willing to give him your all.

Dr. Date

Dear Dr. Date,

I like to have fun just like anyone else, and I’m in the market for a new dude, but my problem is that I’m underage so I can’t go to a bar. I don’t like going dancing, and I don’t like huge house parties. I could go to them, but I feel like I would be surrounded by people that I don’t really like hanging out with. What else can I do to have fun and meet cool people?

Not a party girl

Dear Not a party girl,

It sounds to me as if you don’t like the night life. In that case, go to the rec center and meet some beefy guys. Or join a student group.

If you don’t like going to house parties where you’re afraid you won’t like anyone, then host a party yourself. That way, you know you’ll like at least a third of the people in attendance.

The biggest thing is that you can’t stay home. You need to get out and meet people. I know winter is coming and that’s the time to stay indoors, but go ice skating, sledding or build a snowman at the next snowfall where other people are. You’re guaranteed to get noticed if you’re playing in the snow on campus. Just think, there might be some hot guy who wants to play with you in the snow. The cold is worth it. Just think of the cozy fire in Coffman Union and the hot chocolate you two could be sipping.

Dr. Date