Bring this to your next party

by Rebecca Lang

The other day I saw a sign outside of Dinkytown liquor stores that said that Smirnoff Raw Tea was only $2.50. This struck me as strange, because I had read a whole article about how ingenious the advertising firm that cooked up Smirnoff Raw Tea was, using their invention of that product as an example of their creativity. I went inside to make sure, and it turns out it was really $2.50. Upon purchasing a six pack, I asked the cashier why they were so cheap. She just shrugged and said they’d been piling up around the stock room. Later in the week, I pulled one out of my mini fridge and did a taste test. They taste almost exactly like Lipton Brisk or Nestea, those kind of canned teas I used to drink when I was twelve and gave up pop for lent. Ok, so it was tea, but where was the “raw”? Smirnoff definitely isn’t something I associate with lame, flat flavor, and the “raw” seemed like a guarantee that these mixers would be fizzy, if not at least packing a little bit of a bite. My conclusion? They’re the kind you buy to give out to (21+) friends who happen to be at your next event. You’ll look nice, if not raw.