Hi Amber,

I need some advice on friendships. A group of friends and I had a cabin trip around spring break. Afterwards, things changed: Some of my friends ghosted me or straight-up blocked me. For context, I don’t think I did anything wrong. If I did, it would’ve been mentioned or mutually discussed.

The old excuse of “I’m busy with xyz” started to mean “I’m too busy to hang out with you.” All my messages were left on read as well.

Recently, I found out a group of those old friends started hanging out more often, and even went on a cabin trip without me. So, I wasn’t included in anything for months. I also noticed that the two people I kept in touch with in that group were invited, yet I was excluded.

I’m starting to feel resentful of their behavior. I’m concerned about bringing any of this up, out of fear of causing conflict. From my perspective, I felt like I contributed positively to the group. I hosted gatherings, kept secrets, gave emotional support and made sure everyone felt safe and welcome. I tried my best to be supportive because I know what it’s like to be excluded. But, despite my best efforts, things became one-sided to the point where I decided that contacting these individuals would be futile, as I was either ghosted or blocked.

Part of me wants to find new friends that actually include me, support me and communicate with me. Logically, I know that these people weren’t meant to be my friends. However, the emotional part of me is grieving these friendships.

Amber, what can I do to find new friends? Are there ways to heal and move past this? Is it even worth my time to mention this to my old friends? What other pieces of advice can you offer me in navigating this difficult situation?

Thanks,
The Drifter

Dear the Drifter,

I’m sorry you are in this situation, and I want to emphasize what you’re feeling is valid. It can be painful to find out your old friends don’t want to maintain contact with you, especially when you feel like you’ve done nothing wrong.

It’s not fair for any friend to block or ignore you without explanation. That shows they don’t care about your well-being. If someone is neglecting you and your emotions, they are not worth your time or energy.

I think you have the right idea about pursuing new friendships. It’s obvious your old group of friends simply were not reciprocating your attempts to maintain a positive relationship. Leaving an old group of friends can be intimidating, but in this case, I think it’s necessary. If these old friends are making you feel unsupported and are ignoring you without explanation, then it’s time to drop them.

As for making new friends, I wish I could tell you a cut-and-dry method that will work every time, but reality doesn’t work like that. My best advice for this is to explore and engage with your own personal interests. Try out a school club or explore your neighborhood. I firmly believe the first step in developing new friendships is by first developing yourself as an individual. If you engage in the things that make you happy, you’re much more likely to find people with those same interests.

Best of luck,
Amber

Note: This submission has been lightly edited for clarity and brevity.