CECI HEINEN: Hello everyone! This is Ceci Heinen with the Minnesota Daily and you are listening to In The Know, a podcast dedicated to the University of Minnesota. 

I recently have fallen into the deep wormhole of whether or not aliens exist. The experts at The National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA) have not yet discovered signs of extraterrestrial life. But, their Astrobiology sector has stated that scientifically it is extremely plausible that we are not alone in this universe. Some people believe that aliens know we exist and are already living among us. 

To discover more about extraterrestrial life on campus I turned to the Alien Encounters Support Group (AESG) where I met Elizabeth Turner, a fourth-year student majoring in horticulture. I will add a listener disclaimer that the following content was very difficult for the guests to talk about. As well, this could be frightening content for younger listeners.

ELIZABETH TURNER: I am an international student from London and ever since I came to the United States I have been experiencing really odd things. I joined the AESG because I began to believe that my weird encounters were related and that I had an actual extraterrestrial being in my life. 

HEINEN: Turner has had multiple encounters with what she claims are extraterrestrial beings, but one moment stood out to me as the most shocking. 

TURNER: I was working in my greenhouse, tending to my plants and I knew for a fact that I was alone in there. I had even taken the measure of locking myself in the greenhouse so that nobody could come in and disturb me. 

I had my headphones on and was listening to some music when all of the sudden my phone and headphones simultaneously died. As I looked down at my phone the lights in the greenhouse shut off. 

At this point I was shaking in my boots, I couldn’t breath, I was totally paralyzed with fear. And then I heard this rasping, gurgling, chomping sound and it was coming from the back of the greenhouse where we keep our soil and fertilizers.  

HEINEN: Turner hid under her desk in the greenhouse until the noise subsided, then, with spade in hand, she crept out to see what had been making the sound. 

TURNER: I walked to the back of the greenhouse and saw our big bags of fertilizer and soil had been absolutely demolished. It looked like something had ripped them open and eaten it. 

Sorry, I need a second. This, this is hard for me to talk about. This was just the most terrifying day of my life. I thought I was about to be eaten. 

I looked around a little more and saw this streak of green slime leading out the greenhouse door. That, that was when I knew whatever had done this was not animal or human. 

HEINEN: Turner notified her professors about the break-in, but she said that many people did not believe her. She went to the AESG to try and find others who have had run-ins with aliens and found a sense of validation from two other individuals who had very similar encounters. 

Marilou Bell-Bottom, a professor in fermentation studies, told me about a mysterious student that joined her class mid-year and then threw her office into chaos when they came for office hours. 

MARILOU BELL-BOTTOM: Yeah, I had this student join my class mid-semester. I won’t share their name because FERPA, you know. But it was out of the ordinary. I also, I could not find any information on this student anywhere in the university databases. 

So, as you can imagine, when this student scheduled a meeting with me I was a little apprehensive. But, I wanted to help this student get caught up. I mean we had already made two batches of sauerkraut by now; they had a lot of fermenting to do. 

So, you know, I was in my office waiting for them and, I kid you not, at exactly 11am, the time of their meeting, the power went out in my office. 

I looked down at my computer, and it was in just complete chaos. I can’t even describe what it was doing. It was flashing bright green and showing images of. Sorry, I just, I don’t know if I can say. 

HEINEN: Bell-Bottom wasn’t able to tell me what was shown to her on her computer screen. But based on her emotional reaction, I knew it was something disturbing. 

BELL-BOTTOM: I’m sorry, I’m sorry. This is just a really hard memory for me, but the people need to know. So, I looked up from my computer and I saw a green glowing figure in my doorway. I was paralyzed. I couldn’t even muster a scream. 

I dropped to the floor and curled up under my desk thinking that this was the end for me. I started saying goodbyes in my head. I seriously, I thought it was the end. 

But then the power came back on. I looked up and there was nothing in my doorway but there was this green sludge or slime or something splattered around the door. I didn’t want to touch it so I just gathered up my stuff and skedaddled.  

I found out about AESG right after this day and I’ve found a lot of comfort talking to others who have experienced this alien that haunts our campus. 

HEINEN: After our chat, Bell-Bottom brought me to an AESG meeting where I got to talk to Mark Mackerel, a third-year student majoring in marketing. His story might be the oddest of the bunch. 

MARK MACKEREL: Yeah, uh, so I am a brother and president of Sigma Pi Alpha Beta here at the U. We’re more underground than some of the other frats. But the brotherhood is real and we are always recruiting new brothers if anyones interested hit me up. 

Anyways, yeah, my story. So, one night the brothers and I were out at a hockey game and I’m pretty sure we locked the house. Like, pretty sure, yeah like 66% sure we locked the house. But we got back to the house and the front door was open. 

We weren’t, we weren’t scared or anything but we all kinda crept into the house, uh, in case someone had like robbed us or something. When we got in nothing looked different except there was this weird green glowy light coming from under the basement door. Uh, and since I’m the president, you know, I stepped up and went to the door but it was glued shut with like this funky green slime. 

HEINEN: Mackerel said that most of the frat members were too scared to stay the night at the frat. But he felt like since he was the president it was his duty to stay and make sure the house was alright. He said that throughout the night some odd noises were coming from the glowing basement. 

MACKEREL: Yeah I couldn’t really sleep much because these noises kept coming from the basement. Uh, I can’t really describe them but it was like a WEEEAAARRKKKKKK. You know, something like that, um yeah.

But, after that first night the brothers and I had to, we had to sacrifice the house yeah. We didn’t invite this alien to be a brother so it was an extreme disrespect of our history and traditions and we couldn’t stand for that. 

Uh, we’re currently in the process of relocating Sigma Pi Alpha Beta so if anyone has space for five brothers in need let us know and help us keep the traditions alive. 

HEINEN: Mackerel and his other brothers all joined AESG right after they moved out of their house and have found similar comfort in knowing they aren’t alone in alien encounters. 

Well, all I can say after hearing these stories is that I really hope I never have a reason to join AESG. But if you happen to have a sighting of a green, glowy, slimy and noisy alien you can call 1 (800)-SAW-ALIEN to be connected with an AESG representative. 

And if you haven’t caught on by now, April fools! This entire episode was fake. It’s just been me, Ceci Heinen, and my microphone, this whole time. I bet you couldn’t tell. But, I hope I made you laugh or smile, that was my intention. And I hope you all don’t get caught in another April fools joke today because I know I had you all fooled for a minute. 

That’s all for me today. This episode was written by Ceci Heinen and produced by Ceci Heinen. If you have any questions, comments or complaints about my bad sense of humor feel free to drop an email in our inbox at podcasting@mndaily.com. 

Thank you again for listening and this has been In The Know. Have an alien-free day.