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Dr. Date: Rip my heart out


Dear Dr. Date,

Ever meet someone and know you connect? You laugh at each other’s jokes, have deep conversations about life and want to go back to their apartment to talk for hours? You know you’re meant to be in their life forever? 

Yeah, me neither. But I did hook up with this guy on Grindr last week and had a mediocre time. I awkwardly laughed at his “you’re young enough to be my son!” comment and took a $40 Uber back from his house in Edina (what can I say, I’m into rich old white men!) after some boring sex. 

However, I left my prized possession behind — my too-expensive Juul. I treat that thing like my child and would normally never part with it, but like I said, BORING sex. I was too eager to get out of there. I would be content never seeing this guy again, but I seriously love that Juul and can’t really afford to replace it right now. 

My question is: Should I hook up with him again and be reunited with my baby, or take the L and hope I can buy a new one soon? 



Dear Juulian,

Oof, I’m sorry for your loss. Unfortunately, you might have to leave your Juul to die a peaceful death in Edina. From what you wrote, sounds like a round-trip Uber is $80, which would probably be better spent on a new vape. Don’t waste your time having mediocre sex when you could take this as a learning experience — AKA learning which of your friends are cool with you borrowing theirs or loaning some money. Use this as an excuse to upgrade or consider quitting, I guess? 

Dr. Date

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