Dr. Date: I stole my ex’s moped keys. Do I have to give them back?

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Dr. Date

Dear Dr. Date,

Look, when your ex breaks up with you because “other girls are pretty hot too,” you start looking for revenge. We were together for six months and he had just met my family before deciding to play the field for the rest of college, so yeah, I’m bitter.

I blocked him on everything and reeeeally didn’t want to see him, so I arranged a time with his roommate for me to pick up my stuff. And when I got there… well, I couldn’t help but take some extra items too. Nothing big enough for him to notice — instead, I grabbed some things that would definitely make his life more annoying. All of the chargers for his electronics, the screws from his TV stand so it has to sit on the floor, every piece of silverware I could find, but most importantly: his key ring. 

See, if there’s one thing he loves more than sleeping with other women, it’s his moped. Not only does he need the key to get it started, he has it locked to a pole outside his apartment through some fancy device. I figured it would just be a pain for him to find a new way to unlock it. Instead, it apparently rendered his moped useless.

I still wouldn’t care that much but his roommate slipped up and told him I took it. He’s been showing up to my classes, harassing me on Instagram and banging on my apartment door for the past week telling me to give it back! As much as I love to spite him, I kind of feel like an ass. What should I do?

Sincerely,

Not That Evil (Maybe)

Dear Not That Evil,

Oof. I would get it if he was texting you incessantly, but hanging around your apartment? Showing up to your classes?! He’s super pissed and kind of creepy, apparently.

You should probably return them. It sounds like you already know that what you did was wrong, and from the looks of it his behavior won’t stop. If you really don’t want to see him again, mail the keys to his place or have a friend drop them off.  (But no one said anything about the chargers…)

Sincerely,

Dr. Date