Dear Dr. Date,

Like many college students, I have a mild drinking problem. Last weekend I was at a party with some friends, and when we showed up, I saw this guy I was into was also there. Rather than deal with it like an adult and ask him out, I decided to get wasted. While I don’t remember the night, my friends told me he was also very drunk, and we were together the whole time until we ran off somewhere. Meanwhile, I woke up the next day with him in my bed and an open email on my phone saying ‘Congrats on signing your lease!’ 

Apparently at three in the morning we thought it would be a good idea to sign on a one-bedroom apartment together. Not only did I drop $500 on the security deposit and background check, but I drunkenly called my mom and said I was moving in with my new boyfriend. My crush hasn’t talked to me since that morning, my mother won’t STOP talking to me, and it’s $1000 to break the lease. What do I do? 

Sincerely,

Housing Crisis

Dear Housing Crisis,

Nothing like legal documents to bring two people together, I guess? I’ve heard of moving fast but that doesn’t normally mean moving IN fast…

Bad jokes aside, there’s no way you can live with him in a one-bedroom apartment. Either one of you is sleeping on the couch for a year or you’re breaking the lease. If you’re really desperate, start a GoFundMe with the dramatic story and harass your friends and family to donate until they offer to let you stay at their place. Alternatively, join the ranks of people begging for subleasers on Facebook. UMN Off-Campus Housing and Subleases is waiting for you! 

Sincerely,

Dr. Date