Dr. Date: How can/should I navigate a socially-distanced orgy?

An orgy is risky during a normal year, let alone during a pandemic, let alone in the presence of your closest friends.

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Dr. Date

Dear Dr. Date,

Like everyone else who’s struggling with the pandemic, I’m touch starved. I miss the feeling of people around me, and so do my friends.

Recently I was invited to — how do I say this — a little get-together. It’s taking place in a couple of weeks, and I’m wary of attending. Basically, all of my friends in my pod want to have an orgy. We’ve only been seeing each other, so the stakes are fairly low (I think?), but I’m still hesitant to attend. An orgy is risky during a normal year, let alone during a pandemic, let alone in the presence of your closest friends. Damn, I didn’t think they were this horny!

What do I do? I want to come across as cool and feel like a part of the friend group. And of course I’m horny myself, but this would probably intensify some feelings within the group, inevitably causing us all to feel a little sexually queasy.

Sincerely,
Three (or more) Is a Crowd


Dear Three (or more) Is a Crowd,

The Spice Girls once said, and I quote, “If you want to be my lover, you got to get with my friends.” And if this is indeed a universal truth, then it reciprocally means “If you want to be my friend, you’ve got to get with my lover.” So what does this mumbo jumbo mean?

Yeah! Orgies are fun.They’re a nice way to experiment with feeling free and comfortable in your own skin in the presence of others. But what it doesn’t mean is that you should feel pressured to do anything, especially as it relates to sex. If you’re doing this to feel like a part of the group, then it isn’t a group; it’s a cult. You go out for ice cream with one another to feel like a part of a group. You don’t involuntarily get naked in front of one another.

And more importantly, you can have orgies in years to come; why have one during a pandemic? I don’t see how this would be safe, even if you are in each other’s pods. I’d say it’s best to decline the invitation and hold off for another time. It’s for the benefit of your health, safety and mental security during this very weird year. Plus, there’s no need for any queasiness among friends.

Sincerely,
Dr. Date

Are you romantically bewildered? Are you sexually consternated, and is your relationship status a little too complicated? Want advice from the Minnesota Daily’s in-house love doctor? Email Dr. Date at [email protected].