We at the opinions desk know firsthand just how awkward holiday family encounters can be.
Fortunately, we’re here to walk you through how to respond to any tense conversations that may arise. Warning: Use all advice with caution.
We sent out a poll earlier this week asking you to share your worries with us. You may not be surprised, but no one responded.
But don’t worry! We took it upon ourselves to come up with a few scenarios anyway because even though you still didn’t ask, we’ll keep answering anyway!
Some of these may be very applicable to today’s political climate. Regardless, we at the opinions desk wish you all the best during this very 2025 holiday season!
Scenario one: Grandma wants to know why I still don’t have a boyfriend when, at my age, she already had a husband and two kids.
Amy: Scroll through Hinge and show her what you’re working with.
Vivian: Explain all of your situationship lore in unflinching detail.
Callie: Talk about how dating in college is a humiliation ritual.
Nhiache: Tell her about the economy. Inflation is on the rise!
Matthew: Two words: Fake boyfriend. Get a beard!
Andrew: Explain that a soft-launch is the new proposal.
Wren: Has she considered I’m wondering the same thing?
Scenario two: My family doesn’t believe in evolution, and I know it’ll get brought up at the dinner table. How can I defend science with decorum?
Amy: Cool the air by coming out as nonbinary.
Vivian: Read Genesis out loud, starting with Adam and Steve.
Callie: Change the subject by trying to explain what “6-7” is.
Nhiache: Ask if they’ve heard of a gorilla named Ishmael.
Matthew: Out-conspiracy them. The Earth is a hexagonal prism.
Andrew: Invite the neighbors over to peer review their cooking.
Wren: That biology class requirement finally comes in handy!
Scenario three: I promised to bring my boyfriend to Christmas Eve and my girlfriend to Christmas Day. How do I explain to my family what a polycule is?
Amy: “You remember when Uncle John was Mormon? Well…”
Vivian: Nothing wrong with an extra set of hands.
Callie: Tell them you’re filming a new show for TLC.
Nhiache: “You know how atoms form a molecule? It’s the same.”
Matthew: Gaslight them. “What boyfriend?”
Andrew: Flip the conversation. “You always taught me to share.”
Wren: You’re gonna need a whole PowerPoint presentation for that one.
Scenario four: How do I explain to my doctor uncle that I changed my major from biochemistry to art history?
Amy: Say you’ll switch back if he pays. He’ll shut up.
Vivian: Show how you’re honing your career skills (make everyone matcha).
Callie: “Intro to Renaissance-era colors will be more useful anyway.”
Nhiache: Tell him you are into Agar art.
Matthew: Ask him, “What’s so different between molecules and Monet anyways?”
Andrew: Clarify that you’re also minoring in gender studies.
Wren: No field is hiring. What’s wrong with being happy?
Scenario five: My Grandma keeps posting love declarations to Paul McCartney on Instagram, and it’s making me uncomfortable. How can I broach the topic?
Amy: “So it’s y/n because you fill in your name.”
Vivian: Play some Geese for her. The future is now.
Callie: Help her branch out, make her a Twitter stan page.
Nhiache: Ask if she’s going through a second puberty.
Matthew: Just tell her to “Let it be.”
Andrew: “Don’t get excited. He burns off his stamina on stage.”
Wren: Invite her to join your K-pop-enthusiast friend group.
