>Dr. Date,
One of my guy friends just got dumped by his girlfriend of one year. Being that it was his first committed/serious relationship, he’s still hooked on her and is convinced that he can never get over her.
Even though this girl dumped him for another guy, my friend says he’s okay with it because he just wants her to be happy.
It pisses me off that he’s overlooking how she treated him, and it pisses me off more that she keeps calling him and visiting him (as a friend) after what she’s done. She’s leading him on!
What can I do to help my friend get over this girl!?!
–Concerned friend
Dear Concerned friend,
Your friend needs to decide if he wants to get over this girl. He says he’s OK with her dumping him for another guy because he wants her to be happy. But does he say that just so she can still be in his life?
Denial is the first sign of a problem. Your friend is probably still in denial and thinks that if he’s cool with his girlfriend leaving, she’ll decide to come back one day. As painful as it might be, he needs to realize that she’s probably gone for good.
To help your friend forget that he’s a scorned lover, you should start taking him out at night and showing him around the University. There are plenty of eligible bachelorettes on campus.
If he escapes from his house at night when he’s lonely, he’ll no longer be available for his ex-girlfriend to just “stop by” and keep breaking his heart.
You can also help your friend realize this girl will not come back. It will be a painful realization, but he’ll appreciate it in the end.
–Dr. Date
Dear Dr. Date,
Not every woman is attracted to a candy-munching fake athlete with fluffy hair and a camera. So, I have some more suggestions for the “Shy Guy” who wrote to you about finding a girlfriend.
1. Be yourself. Believe it or not, some women find the “quiet type” totally delightful!
2. Get involved in an organization or activity that interests you and has both males and females in it.
It’s amazing how many people get to know others by doing interesting things together. The key is to enjoy the activity for its own sake. If love comes along, that’s great. If not, you’ll still be developing social and leadership skills which will enhance your resume as well.
3. If you think your shyness is keeping you from even getting involved in activities, it is worth seeking assistance. Check out the classes and programs at Boynton Health Service or University Counseling and Consulting Services.
4. I found my “shy guy” through a mutual friend who thought that we would like each other. We’ve been married for 37 years! There is hope for you! Best wishes!
–Margaret
Dear Margaret,
I appreciate your input, and I’m sure our readers appreciate it as well.
College students like to know that there is hope for them in the end.
–Dr. Date
Dear Dr. Date,
How do you know when your “window of opportunity” opens or (in my situation) closes? This is classic “Men are from Mars … ,” the whole thing with power imbalance. Though, I do not recall the chapter that tells you how to get through the coded language (b.s.) and be honest … while at the same time saving face.
–Smooth-talkin’ creep
Dear Smooth-talkin’ creep,
What? You don’t make any sense. Your letter is kind of cryptic.
When you mention the “window of opportunity,” I think you probably are friends with a girl you want to date. She’s trying to control you (hence, the reference to the power imbalance), but you want to date her anyway.
So, you want to know when the “window of opportunity” closes. When it is too late to start dating a friend. Are you doomed to be best friends forever?
I think you need to first analyze your relationship with this girl and see if she’s leading you on. Does she flirt with you ’cause she flirts with all of her friends? Or do your jokes give her giggle a little extra pizzazz?
If you think she’s “feeling your game,” you need to show her what you’re made of and make a move. Do you think I could use more cliches in one paragraph? Probably not.
If you think making a move on her will irreparably harm your friendship, be careful. But if your friendship can recover from an unrequited, drunken confession of love, take a chance.
Now, for your benefit, and for the benefit of all my readers, here are Dr. Date’s top 10 pickup lines.
10) I lost my phone number, can I have yours? (If you’re already friends, though, this is lame.)
9) If I told you that you had a nice body, would you hold it against me?
8) Are you drinking 1 percent milk ’cause you think you’re fat? ‘Cause you’re not. You could drink whole milk if you wanted.
7) If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put you and I together.
6) That shirt looks really good on you, but it would look better on the floor.
5) Is there a mirror in your pocket? ‘Cause I can see myself in your pants.
4) If I give you a quarter, will you spend the night with me?
3) Nice shoes. Do you want to have sex?
2) If you were a booger, I’d pick you first.
1) Excuse me, did you just touch my ass? (She says “No.”) Damn.
Good luck, Smooth-talkin’ creep.
–Dr. Date
Dear Dr. Date,
I have a somewhat different stance on what “Concerned Girlfriend” (Tuesday) should do in her situation. Her boyfriend has “pressured” her into sex and has threatened to dump her if not. Those are two blatant warning signs that if this girl does have sex with her boyfriend, she will be used and eventually dumped anyway.
This girl may love her boyfriend very much, but judging by the fact her boyfriend tried to “pressure” her, her communication does not appear to be two-sided. If I were her, I would leave the boyfriend and go through with the pain now instead of deal with emotional scarring later.
–Concerned reader
Dear Concerned reader,
Thanks.
–Dr. Date
