EMy boyfriend and I have been together for a little over a year.  I thought our relationship was perfect.  We are madly in love with one another and things have been going great, for the most part.  About a month ago, I was using his computer to print a paper I wrote for my English class, when I stumbled upon a folder full of porn. 

I understand that guys like porn, but it made me feel like I wasn’t good enough, so I confronted him about it.  He said he understood and agreed to cut back on his porn usage.  I thought we had come to an understanding, but last week when we were fooling around, he stopped and asked if we could watch porn while we went at it.  I was crushed.  

Am I right to feel this way?  Can you give me any advice to save our sexual relationship?  This has really been a problem for us. 

-Victim of Porn

Dear Victim of Porn,

I understand why you’re concerned about your boyfriend’s porn use, but you shouldn’t be.

I think your view of porn is too narrow-minded. You’re probably uncomfortable with porn and don’t have a lot of experience with it. You should give it a try. If you don’t like it, you should talk to him and really tell him it makes you uncomfortable. But writing off the possibility before you’ve given it a chance could be denying yourself a lot of pleasure in the future. You never know.

Talk to your boyfriend and try to find some videos or magazines that you will both like. A lot of porn is geared toward men and might not give you the same thrills. Take a joint trip to Sexworld or the Smitten Kitten and you can find porn that isn’t totally centered around whips and chains and girls with fake boobs.

I don’t think that your boyfriend’s interest in porn means that he’s bored with you. It just means that he likes porn. He’s a guy. Guys like porn.

Just tell your boyfriend to be wary of a lot of the moves he’s learning from the porn videos. A lot of those are designed more for their cinematography rather than the real-life thrills they’ll provide. Remind him that you two are not in a movie.

Before you complain to your boyfriend about his porn, make sure that you too are already satisfied with your sex life. Maybe you can use porn as the door to show your boyfriend how to be a better lover. If he needs to have the television in the background to really get you going, I would let him. Or at least give it a try.

-Dr. Date

Dear Dr. Date,

My best friend and I are confused! We work with this one guy (let’s call him “Skippy”) who my best friend has the biggest crush on. We suspect he likes her too but we don’t know for sure.

You see, she’s friends with “Skippy’s” friends but “Skippy” works in a different department than she does. Still, he stops by every so often to say hello and chat for a while, but we don’t know what that means. It could mean he’s being polite or it could mean he genuinely likes her. Here’s our “evidence.”

They often talk about non-work-related things like classes, homework, what each other’s plans for the weekend are and what not. Also, whenever she’s around one of their mutual friends that friend always drops his name.

For example, the friend will get a phone call from “Skippy” and say to my friend, “Oh, it’s ‘Skippy'” Or he’ll mention him all the time, like “‘Skippy’ did this on Friday, ‘Skippy’ did that.” We think the friend is trying to pass off hints to my friend.

I know my friend really likes “Skippy” but my friend is also really shy so she’s too shy to make a move on him. She can’t ask him out because she’s scared and because she doesn’t know if these signs mean he likes her too.

What do you think? Do you think “Skippy” likes my friend? And what do you think my friend should do? Should she ask him out? Or no? Thanks.

-Confused best friend

Dear Confused best friend,

I’m confused too.

It looks as if both of the people mentioned are miserably hiding their feelings. Because they don’t have any guts, it’s time for you to do something. It’s time to have some fun.

Hint: I’m gonna put you to work. Enlist one of Skippy’s friends and find an open time for your friend to meet you at a certain location. (Obviously, you pick the place.) Have Skippy’s friend do the same to him. Same time, same place.

Now, get your shy friend to bite the line. Arrange to meet for coffee, a movie, whatever.

See what I’m getting at? You and Skippy’s friend don’t show up. Now, with the stage set, the two destined love birds can’t help but hook up.

You always wanted to be a bridesmaid, didn’t you?

But in all seriousness, chances are that Skippy really likes your best friend. Granted, because you all work together, a lot of the social interactions could just be a coincidence.

Is she too busy with work every time he comes to talk to her? Guys always want what they can’t have.

As with anything, you’re going to have to take a risk. Even if he doesn’t really like her, he’ll probably at least go to get coffee with her one morning or just go out to lunch during the work day.

If they spend time together outside the office, it will give them a chance to see if they really get along. Building a friendship is the first step. Or she could spontaneously make out with him in the supply closet. That works too.

After they know each other better, your friend will have a better idea of whether Skippy is interested in her.

-Dr. Date