>The “M.O.F. Revolution”

All right “Dateworkia,” we’re going to start a revolution. Are you ready for math class?

I think the University community needs a new number. It’s a new way to judge each other and compare our statistics.

It’s called the “M.O.F.” revolution.

My roommate and I were driving to Madison, Wis., last weekend, and I figured out that if you kiss me, there is a 33 percent chance I will eventually sleep with you.

The number is essentially meaningless – it means I have slept with 1 out of 3, 3 out of 5, 30 out of 90 or 33 out of 100 people I have kissed. But it’s definitely a new way to size others up.

So, to figure out your “M.O.F. percentage,” or your “Make Out to you-know-what percentage,” you take the entire number of people you’ve slept with, and divide it by the number of people you’ve kissed “with intent.” New Year’s kisses and little pecks on the cheek don’t count. Only count people you really kissed.

Maybe the statistics aren’t totally meaningless. So, if you’re a 1 percent, does it mean you’re really promiscuous for making out with so many people? Does it mean you’re a prude for not sleeping with anyone, or does it mean you’re just a tease?

What about high percentages? What do those mean? I haven’t decided yet.

Also, depending on the level of math skills you have, you could start figuring out other statistics. We figured out there is a 50 percent chance my roommate will make out with you even if she doesn’t know your name. Or, what about friends? What is the percentage chance you can make out with one friend if you’ve made out with the other? The possibilities are endless.

So I’m opening it up to you, “Dateworkia.” What do you think? What do you suppose the average is for University students?

– Dr. Date

Dear Dr. Date,

Here is my story. I was in a long-term relationship until April of this year when I found out my boyfriend (of 4 years) had been cheating on me since February.

It got worse his “other girlfriend” was pregnant with his kid and it was then that he decided to break up with me.

I have since started dating a guy that was a friend of his sister, and now his “Best Friend” (who is a girl and in a long-term relationship) is telling me he isn’t a good boyfriend. I don’t know if she is jealous or if she knows something I don’t, but they aren’t as good of friends as they used to be before he had a girlfriend. Please tell me what to do. Do I say something to her or what?

– Kissed a lot of frogs

Dear Kissed a lot of frogs,

You need to be honest with this “best friend,” and ask her why your new fling isn’t a good boyfriend. See if you can separate the truth from whatever reasons

she would have to sabotage your relationship.

If she doesn’t answer your questions about your new beau, I would proceed with him with caution. Give him the benefit of the doubt, but be careful not to ignore any warning signs.

You know better than anybody else whether it will work out. Just be honest with yourself.

– Dr. Date

Dear Dr. Date,

Is there any way to lose feelings for a first love? It’s been a few years since we’ve been together, and I have moved on, but still think about my first love all the time.

Will this ever get easier? Please help!

– Stuck on love

Dear Stuck on love,

We all think our first love is the one for us. We all think he or she is the greatest, bestest, hottest, nicest first love in the world. And most of us are wrong.

When you spend a lot of time with someone, you learn to think you’ll be together forever, but luckily the majority of us learn to move on.

And you say you have, which is the first step. I’m glad you realize you’re not going to end up with him.

Yet, you still think about him. I think you probably know why that is. Are you single and he’s got a new girlfriend? Are you unhappy in a relationship and long for better days?

This advice is coming from experience – you’ll get over it, eventually. You’ll find someone even nicer, smarter, cuter, etc., and you’ll totally forget about past experiences.

Until then, just have faith. Find something to do with your time. Learn to ignore how cute and sappy he is with the new girlfriend. You’ll be better in the end.

– Dr. Date

Dear Dr. Date,

This is an e-mail on behalf of the girls who don’t dress and act like whores. We are sick of 2 things (among others.)

1 – Guys who say girls don’t like nice boys. WE DO. Trust us on this. We don’t want guys who are always drunk, hitting on us and our best friend in the same breath, or guys who are so full of themselves that they can’t give us nice girls the time of day.

2 – Guys who bitch about girls dressing like sluts, but fail to recognize those of us that don’t. We are worth a second look, and we’re not hard to find either. So don’t be a hypocrite. The shy girl sitting next to you in class in jeans and a sweatshirt has more value than the slut you can nail after the word “hello.” If you don’t want girls to dress like sluts, STOP GOING FOR THEM. We are nice girls, and we’re sick of being ignored.

– The Nice Girls

Dear The Nice Girls,

Thanks for the input.

– Dr. Date