>Dr. Date,

Hey, listen don’t let all that talk in Network get you down. Your column is a welcome change, and is much more interesting than goddamn network.

But one suggestion: How about some of the raunchier questions? I mean, you don’t have to be like Dr. Abby every single time or whatever, think more along the lines of savage love. I know you must get these sex-related questions, with all the sick bastards at this school who send in shit to you.

I also understand you want to keep everything in good taste, but c’mon. This is a college where the average age has gotta be in the low 20s, so I bet you’d see less bitching in Network if there were more blatantly sex-related questions. But hey, keep up the good work.

–Random Student

So, what do you say, Dateworkia?

Dear Dr. Date,

I’m in a major dilemma. My girlfriend and I have been going out for over four years now, and we’ve been talking marriage after graduation. However, I recently found a large stack of VHS tapes in the back of her closet, all containing S & M-style pornography.

It took me a few weeks to confront her, but when I did, she said her high school boyfriend was really into it, and that she was always afraid to bring it up to me.

But now that I know, she’s really pushing it – I’ve let her handcuff me, but she’s suggested candle wax and whips and those leather outfits. She’s even asked me to give her a “golden shower.” None of this turns me on in any way, but I love her and I don’t want to let her go because of this.

What do I do? Apparently I haven’t satisfied her sexually, and I don’t think I can. Should I buckle down and let her whip me, hoping that either I will start to enjoy it or she will notice my displeasure and stop? Should I get rid of her?

–Doubly-whipped

Dear Doubly-whipped,

I don’t think you should assume that you’re not satisfying your girlfriend sexually. Did she tell you this?

If you do a Google search of “sex,” you’ll find out that there approximately 400 billion ways to satisfy people sexually, and S & M is only one of them. It also doesn’t sound like this was your girlfriend’s unique idea, it’s something that her high school boyfriend whipped into her.

If I were you, I would tell your girlfriend you were a little freaked out when she first brought it up, but you’re willing to give it a try – slowly. If you’re not getting anything out of it, I would draw the line with your girlfriend when she draws blood. Candle wax and whips sound a little dangerous to me. If she’s physically hurting you, tell her to stop. Or just whip her back.

You’ve been dating for a long time, and I feel confident that you communicate well enough that you can tell her when you’re freaked out. She loves you, and she’ll understand.

But it’s worth giving it a try to spice things up.

–Dr. Date

Dear Dr. Date,

My girl is perfect for me. I love her like I’ve never loved any other girl and we complement each other in every way possible. I would only be so lucky to spend the rest of my life with her.

The problem is, I’m in that phase where all my friends are still single. I’m the only one who has settled down with the “wifey.” Sometimes I miss my crazy days, but I would never cheat on my girlfriend. I’m only 21, should I take some time off and get everything out of my system now, just hoping that my girl doesn’t find Mr. Wonderful? Or should I kick myself in the ass for even thinking about letting her go for awhile?

–Keep my cake and eat it too

Dear Keep my cake and eat it too,

Don’t let her go. If you really feel like you need your freedom and are willing to sacrifice her, go for it. But it sounds to me like your friends are pressuring you into “taking a break.”

Before pledging ever-lasting love to her, however, make sure you’re not staying with her just because you’re comfortable. Reread the first paragraph of your letter. Do you really mean all of that? If she’s the first real girlfriend you’ve had, you might need to take a break to gain some perspective.

Breaks rarely work for relationships. Even if you decide to get back together after a few months, you will both wonder who had a better time in the break. You’ll ask questions, and the trust will be gone.

You said you’d never cheat on her, and you love her. Stick with her. Tell your friends to shut up.

–Dr. Date

Dear Dr. Date,

I have what you may say is a huge crush. I’m in one of the fraternities on campus, but am not one of your stereotypical frat-boys.

I’m a nice guy and have a little problem. We have a date party coming up this week and the girl that I’m infatuated with is the sister of one of my frat brothers. This brother (we’ll call him “Uno”) knows I have feelings for her but I really don’t think he wants me to take her to the party.

He may feel like I’ll hurt her in the long run but I know deep down it’s for real. She’s such a great girl!

Can you help?

–Coondogg

Dear Coondogg,

Ask Uno what he thinks. You say you don’t think he wants you to take her to the party, but you don’t know that for sure. Don’t joke around with him, saying stuff like, “Your sister’s pretty hot.” Sit him down, say you really like her and see what he says.

If he still is uneasy about it, I think you should ask this girl out anyway. Unless your frat brother is a close friend of yours, I wouldn’t worry about him. This girl probably is old enough to make her own decisions about whom she wants to date and would resent her older brother getting involved in her love life. If she wants to go out with you and you treat her well, her older brother will eventually come around.

–Dr. Date