>Dr. Date,

I have a quick question. Do white girls not like black guys? See the problem is, I like white girls and I can’t help that because white girls are just beautiful. The problem is that whenever me or my friends try to approach a white girl, she either walks really fast like she is trying to run away or pretends to be having a conversation on her phone.

Even when you try to talk to them they completely ignore you. What is the deal? Is it a racial thing or is it personal? I think that all white girls think all black guys are thugs and drug dealers. It seems that they are scared of us or something or afraid of our “big Mandingos”. We can not help that, we were blessed in that area you know. So holla back at me; let me know what’s up. ‘Cause I am just confused.

– TheNumberEight

Dear TheNumberEight,

I think if you compared your experiences with any white guys who try to approach white girls, they would be similar.

Girls are mean, they ignore you, they look at you funny and pretend to talk on the phone when you approach them. They cat fight, they stab each other’s backs, they’re dramatic and they don’t like it when strangers approach them.

If you want to get some white girls to notice you, get to know them outside of a setting when you’re just walking up to them on a street. When girls are on campus, the only people who approach them out of the blue are the Mormons and the homeless.

So get to know your whitey a little and any apprehension she had will float away. I don’t think she’s afraid of your “big Mandingo.”

– Dr. Date

Dear Dr. Date,

I have this friend that I like and we talk a lot and hang out often. We’ve gotten to know each other really well and we both know that we like each other. However, he doesn’t make a move or anything.

He flirts with me a lot, and makes it very clear to everyone we know that he’s interested. But he never kisses me or asks me out. We cuddle, we see movies together, we were supposed to go out on a “date” and then he canceled suddenly. Then a mutual friend told me he doesn’t like me anymore. He totally led me on! How do I tell him he’s a douche and still stay friends with him? Should I even stay friends with him?

– Disappointed in Douches.

Dear Disappointed in Douches,

Tell him he’s a douche. He’ll be flattered that you liked him, but will realize he probably messed up. In fact, if he’s a University student, he already probably realizes it from reading your letter.

In his defense, if he liked you at the time he was flirting with you, it doesn’t count as leading you on. Do you know what made him change his mind? Did you say something to him?

Chances are he got a little freaked out. Have you continued to be friends since he canceled your date?

Ask him what’s up. If he’s a friend, he’ll tell you. If not, he’s a douche.

– Dr. Date

Dear Dr. Date,

Ugh! I’m so bored of jerkin’ it! My girlfriend went away a few months ago and won’t be back for about a year. I’m not worried about loyalty or anything because I would never cheat on her because I love her. The problem is, I started jerkin’ it way too much since she left. Now I’m just tired of jerkin’.

You see, we were doin’ it a whole bunch before she left and now it’s weird not getting action every day. I don’t know how I’m going to hold out until she gets back unless I continue to jerk it like a million times a day. I feel bad admitting this because jerkin’ used to be one of my fave things, but now it just seems like a daily chore. What can I do?

– Hayaaaa!

Dear Hayaaaa!

Have you considered phone sex? Where is she? How about cyber sex?

Clearly, you just need to find a way to spice it up a little. I know masturbation isn’t very spicy because you’re by yourself, but there’s always stuff you can do to change your day-to-day routine.

Go to Sex World. Buy some toys. Buy some porn.

Also, I’ve heard people recommend, “The Stranger.” You sit on your hand until it’s numb, then go at it.

Variety is the key. But I’m impressed with your dedication.

– Dr. Date

Dr. Date–

I am with the person who is probably the best thing to ever happen to me, and the way things are going lately, probably about the only good thing I have going for me.

But I have this one issue. I have this horrible habit of lying about the most stupid stuff. For instance, the other day I told her I left class early, when in fact I didn’t even go at all. These fibs are something dumb like that, or me lying about if I put away peanut butter or any randomness like this.

I would never lie about anything important, yet these little fibs are killing her. I know I need to stop …

So tell me, give me advice, and how do I regain her trust before it’s too late?

– Small lies seem a little bigger

Dear Small lies seem a little bigger,

Stop lying. Your girlfriend should understand that we constantly throw little white lies into everything we say, but if it affects anything else, it’s bad.

Just stop lying.

– Dr. Date