Dear Dr. Date,

I met this girl through our intramural sports team last semester. She was a friend of a friend who filled the last space on our soccer team, and after one look, I knew I was in love. After trying to find excuses to hang out “as a team” after games, I finally asked her out. We’ve only gone out a few times, but I really like her and want to keep seeing her.

The problem is, she’s super competitive. I’ve only ever played with her, not against her, so until now her aggression was a good thing. But once we started dating, I realized she turns everything into a competition. Whether it’s who can down their drink faster, who wins the race to the restaurant or who … finishes a certain bedroom activity first, I can’t enjoy our time together without feeling like a loser. 

She’s determined to win at everything, even if it wasn’t a race in the first place. I’ve only seen her lose a few times, and each time I was terrified for the person on the other side. I’m worried that if we keep dating, I’ll end up mocked for not brushing my teeth fast enough. How can I convince her to calm down?

Sincerely,

Losing Streak

Dear Losing Streak,

There’s nothing wrong with a competitive streak, especially during team activities, but this is definitely more of a red flag. You shouldn’t be scared around someone you like! Mention to her that her competitions are coming off as more aggressive than friendly — if the other side is terrified to lose, no one may have told her it’s too much. If she turns that into a ‘who can deny the fastest’ race, you might want to think about letting her go — no one wants to spend their relationship in the penalty box.

Sincerely,

Dr. Date